Welcome to Hellweek
Posted at: 2009-06-21 13:39:57
Looking for a pool manager for our hotel pool starting in July 2009. You must be certified and have prior experience lifeguarding. You will be in charge of several lifeguards for this position. Contact if interested.
From Mike Partlow to ***********@********.org
Hi, my name is Mike Partlow. I am interested in the position of Pool Manager for your hotel. Here is why I feel I am qualified for the position:
- I am an ex Navy SEAL. Water is my blood.
- I have saved countless lives on 3 different continents. I once saved an entire submarine crew from drowning in the artic.
- I am highly trained in underwater combat. I am prepared to handle any situation that may danger this pool.
I will make sure that this pool is safer than the Hau River during US occupation. Under my watch, pool casualties will be minimal. I will oversee a lifeguard "hellweek" style training program that I will make sure all the lifeguards under my command complete prior to serving for the hotel. Saftey of all pool guests is my top priority. I will also make every pool guest go through an intense underwater survival program before they are allowed to enter the pool.
Nobody drowns on my watch. NOBODY.
I look forward to working with your hotel.
From Mark ******** to Me
Thank you for your application. Unfortunately, you seem a little over-qualified for this position. We already have a program in place for our lifeguards and do not want our guests to have to go through any extreme measures in order to use our facilities.
******* Hotel Staff
anonymous (2013-09-29 18:07:18)
Probably the least funny one I've read so far.
G.I. Kramer (2013-03-21 10:43:03)
Good to see that he will ensure pool casualties are kept to a minimum.
kimakaanna (2013-02-13 09:43:41)
@oddball it was clever because water makes up a huge percentage of our blood...however, M. Partlow said, "Water is my blood," not "Water is IN my blood." Lol
Oddball2 (2013-02-13 06:11:46)
@oddball nice use of the word tard, wrong direction, navo tard
lol (2013-01-10 22:24:11)
Cause blood has water in it...
Oddball (2012-12-24 20:48:21)
@Mike. WTF is clever about that phrase? One thing's for sure, you're certainly NOT clever. Tard.
Ramadan (2012-10-13 08:25:38)
Mike (2012-09-28 13:29:18)
lol did anybody notice "water is in my blood"
Not sure if it was on purpose but if it was, it was pretty clever
anonymous (2012-07-21 13:49:03)
I will make sure that this pool is safer than the Hau River during US occupation. Under my watch, pool casualties will be minimal. HAHA genious!
Sammich (2012-07-20 23:17:31)
Sounds like it would be a funny TV show, hardass ex-navy seal pool manager at a hotel
Mike Partlow (2012-07-03 00:43:40)
Mark was a complete idiot. I told him nobody would drown. He was just a complete fool.
Matt from Brooklyn (2012-07-02 09:47:08)
Solid application Mr.P......."NOBODY"
Bramsen (2012-06-16 16:48:55)
8^P (2012-05-03 14:53:04)
"do not want our guests to have to go through any extreme measures in order to use our facilities." lmao
Llllllllooooooooolll (2011-12-08 20:33:47)
Will (2011-10-22 02:48:00)
Should have replied to the effect that they had a problem with veterans and you were gonna let the VA know about their company.
Patrick Bateman (2011-09-21 11:33:02)
"I will also make every pool guest go through an intense underwater survival program before they are allowed to enter the pool." LOL
balcis (2011-07-29 05:33:49)
"Nobody drowns on my watch. NOBODY." hahah still laughing
J (2011-07-12 23:00:09)
Who gives a shit about typos, seriously, the real dumb shit is the guy who can't figure out what he actually meant instead of pointing it out and being a "clever" bitch.
GARY (2011-06-18 00:43:35)
I think he didnt keepbothering him because the person being messed withwas responding nicly instead of flipping out on the guy.
anonymous (2011-06-13 11:19:28)
NOBODY drowns on my watch NOBODY!!
Gavin (2011-05-26 11:46:19)
Ha! These are all v funny but so are the comments and the way they descend into tit 4 tat bitching. Just laugh at the fucking things and liven up!
hahaa@lol (2011-05-22 01:49:00)
so true xD
skittlezz (2011-05-11 14:30:12)
nobody drowns on my watch. NOBODY.<------ love it!!!!
paw(n) (2011-04-29 06:25:23)
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