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My New Jogging Partner
Posted at: 2011-01-03 21:06:38
Original ad:
i want to get back into shape and am looking for a jogging partner. i always run better if i can keep the pace with someone else as i am sure other fellow runners know. i only work afternoons so i can run during the morning or night, doesnt matter much to me. shoot me an email if you want to be running partners

From Me to *************@*******.org:

Dear New Running Partner,

Hello! My name is Mustafi Chukwuemeka Adetokunbo, but my friends call me Wuemeka. I have just moved to Philadelphia from Kenya and I too am looking for a running partner. I run for twelve miles every morning, and another eight at night. I now run a 4 minute mile. I know this is slow, but no worry, I am aiming to run a 3:50 mile by next month. I most look forward to running with you, my new friend! Please respond with your contact information and where you would like to run. I am not so acquainted with Philadelphia, but I would prefer to run in densely forested areas if you know of any.

Run with you soon,

Wuemeka

From Steve ***** to Me:

wow man are you for real? theres no frickin way i can run a 4 minute mile!!!!!!!

From Me to Steve *****::

Dear Steve,

I am sorry to hear you cannot run a 4 minute mile. I can slow down my pace if you would like. How does a 4 minute 30 second mile sound?

Warm regards,

Wuemeka

From Steve ***** to Me:

HAH! dude i can run a 9 minute mile on a good day. thats it. im not training for the freaking olympics here...

From Me to Steve *****::

Nine minutes? Why are you so slow, friend? Nine minutes! Man oh man, is that slow! In my country, you would not survive! You would be eaten by a lion or speared by a rhino! I am very sorry for you my friend. You remind me of my last running partner Jumu, he was eaten by a cheetah!

Good day to you,

Wuemeka

From Steve ***** to Me:

yeah well this isnt africa this is PHILLY. we have crackheads here, not rhinos or cheetahs or elephants and we sure as shit dont have rainforests. come on man are you stupid?

From Me to Steve *****::

I am not stupid, you are the stupid one my friend! We will see who is the stupid one when you are being chased by a lion! We have a word for fools like you in Kenya - KUMAMAKO!

From Steve ***** to Me:

leave me the fuck alone jumanji!

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