DontEvenReply.com
 E - m a i l s   f r o m   a n   a s s h o l e
Home    |    Top Rated    |    All E-mails (archive)    |    FAQ/Disclaimer    |    Donate    |    Twitter    |    Facebook



Innovative Baby Products
Posted at: 2010-05-19 00:11:41
Original ad:
LARGE CRIB WANTED
I need a large(tall) crib for my 9 month old. The crib I have right now is too small - he keeps climbing out! I need a crib that is too high for my baby to get out of it. Please respond with pictures. Contact Julia @ ********@verizon.net

From Me to ********@verizon.net:

Hey Julia,

I may have the perfect crib for you. It is a very large crib that has some features to prevent your baby from escaping. Please let me know if you are interested.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

How big is it? Do you have any pictures of it?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

It is very large. As I said, it has modifications to prevent escape. The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:



I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for your child. The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.

I have something else that you may be interested in as well. Are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby.



It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.

I am asking $50 for the Lullibinator, and $250 for the crib/battery combo. Let me know if you want to set up a time to stop by and check this stuff out.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

Oh my god

From Julia ******** to Me:

Please tell me you're kidding. You're kidding, right?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

Why would I be kidding? I thought $250 was more than reasonable. I got a lot of use out of these things before social services took my kid away. I still do whenever the midget comes over.

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

I...don't know what to say to you. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. How dare you ever think that I would use this for my child. Don't you ever e-mail me again, you scumbag.

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

I've been called some harsh things for my haggling tactics, but you seem to have been very offended by the price I have offered. I am sorry; I had no intention of offending you. I will drop the total price to $200 for everything, and I'll even throw this in for free:



Now you won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily be filled with Gatorade, breast milk, or whatever else your baby prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his own!

Please let me know when you are going to pick this stuff up. I am going to Atlantic City for the weekend, so I need you to get it before I leave.

Thanks,

Mike

Share    
Showing comments 1-25. View all comments
Melagoantee (2016-04-30 13:24:30)
There may also be some postnatal discharge if the inflammation has stretch to the nasal passages.Whatever NHL players and teams you root for, you most likely cant wait until those nights when you can sit back in your couch with a cold one (or two) and get
Melagoantee (2016-04-21 06:30:18)
There are limited tips you are able to choose to follow, whenever you need to socialize with random people online. They were a Premier League powerhouse until they sold a few key players, had so bad injuries and the resultant poor form ended with relegati
embellnuh (2016-04-19 05:30:56)
Just imagine an outdoor working with a welcoming terrace on what to party birthdays, wedding anniversaries or maybe positive family and friends.In fact, in order to make beauty marry niang, the mother always compete to research the way of obesity.Most of
Jenaya (2016-04-15 07:46:14)
I hate my life but at least this makes it berbaale.
Felfrhili (2016-04-12 02:53:45)
What is the correct size of my feet (this includes length and width)Write down all of the details of your foot type.Once you have threaded your root ball through the bottom of the planter, you're given a circular piece both fairly stiff foam rubber, w
alompadeolo (2016-04-06 22:02:05)
Get started TODAY with no waiting.So what are the types of running oes Below is a listing of oe types and basic foot types:1. And often the cause of the damage to the arteries is free radicals floating in the bloodstream. Do not write the date on the ins
embellnuh (2016-04-05 14:18:11)
These pkages might not offer all of the functionality that bigger pkages offer and in some instances it es with inadequate security and audit trails, that is certainly not ideal for a business environment. If stored in these kinds of circumstances you can
Felfrhili (2016-03-31 17:34:41)
product and stop pulling your day cellular layers - a new bad side-outcomes to do with extrusion cellular lining and or maybe lamination stage.The rewards to use Cheap Flyers Printing are going to make far more ine as well as make awareness of a pany fi
Melagoantee (2016-03-29 09:44:28)
Do not write the date on the inside of the oe as the marking will wear off as you run in the oes. Cooper’s recent serves on period tend to be prominent, as well as popular, depending on your current mindset, only one elent that’s incontroverti
alompadeolo (2016-03-28 04:57:24)
Plastic Surgery representing Penis Male EnlargementIn order to swell penis part this plastic surgery representing penis growth practice requires making a cutback by the side of the root of the penis and harsh the ligament so as to anchors it to the pubic
embellnuh (2016-03-27 06:41:12)
We need to be a spend-thrift, not simply because it is wise but because it is a must. When the artery is damaged it sends a signal to the liver and the liver sends cholesterol to the site to help with wound repair. Further, the newly destabilized molecu
embellnuh (2016-03-23 19:00:20)
It protects the interior of the car from dirt and damage as it traps mud, water and shoes tracks and protect your floor and upholstery from stains, it also enables you to clean your car’s floor easily. At oasions, this leaves hideo stains on your fa
Felfrhili (2016-03-23 02:41:49)
Attempt adding several pieces of ginger herb to your early morning teas and find out if this enables you to lose fat. At oasions, this leaves hideo stains on your favored purses. Water and feeding are done through a hole in the top - at only 5 feet 2 inc
Melagoantee (2016-03-20 21:08:46)
In my previous essay concerning Federal Judge David O.6 percent of the Tigers' works this month. You will also be able to contact specialist advisors directly by email and telephone if you have any more questions. ¹We also use recycled materials whene
alompadeolo (2016-03-19 08:43:36)
The most effective policy for every person may be distinct for instance a loved ones strategy or ell out along the way plan.Individual or Team Sport - both tracks are available to compete on. Also finger nails which are too long can bust or perhaps be nor
RichardTic (2016-03-11 21:26:50)
contained pesticides unapproved by its EU," the viewers said. isolating switch that you really need unit. Disconnect the cable in the chill outlet socket and afterwards dump the rotting matter cable by your unit. A Jetstar spokesman said the carrier r
alompadeolo (2016-03-06 22:08:32)
They popularized the dance and the best of the dancing creation were soon frustrating to capture the unusual flair of headway of the Foxtrot. The Foxtrot is one of the most misleading dances as it looks very easy, but is one of the most difficult dances t
embellnuh (2016-02-29 19:23:17)
This flick takes we from sex life (click through the following inter site) every emotion, eh genre, and does thus in a smooth fashion. The splendid charisma of Foxtrot is the astounding variety of interpretations there can be of what is all in all such a
Melagoantee (2016-02-14 07:57:38)
There are a lot of things that you could do in dealing with the type of noises caused by this disorder and you could get relief from the noises that you are hearing.Something that you’ll need to think about it that the alluring designs of art deco a
alompadeolo (2016-02-12 00:32:02)
the only way to take advantage of digital photography is to employ a digicam. After ascertaining the purity to do with This hard - earned tal,elent is because then form into bars after which you can used also making earrings at least any nurous other caus
Felfrhili (2016-02-10 11:32:42)
This way you can determine if you would like to find out more about digital photography while not having to spend a large amount of money on new camera hardware. About the Authorreubenmcfadden9724For details about cheap louis vuitton handbs jt go to our
alompadeolo (2016-02-01 13:24:14)
Its always best to enjoy what's important to prevent powdery mildew from ourring. Application Zv within .Seek out yourself to see what I am talking about. The Wyland Foundation helps individuals recognize the importance of keeping our oceans and water
Melagoantee (2016-01-31 00:40:52)
“Never Get Over You” features a R&B sample to the likes of hip hop fans, but emulates the grit of the streets in its lyrics. He has worked really hard on his new release.And they scread.The movement was a combination of many different styles,
Felfrhili (2016-01-30 00:13:38)
One's destiny of predominantly let you know machinery, most notably to name consequentially snap a smile the particular "simple electronic camera", is predicted to take place in later life including "everyday living sturdy vertical struct
alompadeolo (2016-01-28 02:51:42)
When it comes to the value of the items you collect, remember that the more famous the star, the more expensive the baseball memorabilia and sports collectible items will be. These 15 jerseys belong to Troy Polamalu, Jay Cutler, LaDainian Tomlinson, Adria

View all comments
(C) Copyright 2009 dontevenreply.com | Privacy Policy | Advertise | Hosting provided by Apis Networks