DontEvenReply.com
 E - m a i l s   f r o m   a n   a s s h o l e
Home    |    Top Rated    |    All E-mails (archive)    |    FAQ/Disclaimer    |    Donate    |    Twitter    |    Facebook



Innovative Baby Products
Posted at: 2010-05-19 00:11:41
Original ad:
LARGE CRIB WANTED
I need a large(tall) crib for my 9 month old. The crib I have right now is too small - he keeps climbing out! I need a crib that is too high for my baby to get out of it. Please respond with pictures. Contact Julia @ ********@verizon.net

From Me to ********@verizon.net:

Hey Julia,

I may have the perfect crib for you. It is a very large crib that has some features to prevent your baby from escaping. Please let me know if you are interested.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

How big is it? Do you have any pictures of it?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

It is very large. As I said, it has modifications to prevent escape. The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:



I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for your child. The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.

I have something else that you may be interested in as well. Are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby.



It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.

I am asking $50 for the Lullibinator, and $250 for the crib/battery combo. Let me know if you want to set up a time to stop by and check this stuff out.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

Oh my god

From Julia ******** to Me:

Please tell me you're kidding. You're kidding, right?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

Why would I be kidding? I thought $250 was more than reasonable. I got a lot of use out of these things before social services took my kid away. I still do whenever the midget comes over.

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

I...don't know what to say to you. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. How dare you ever think that I would use this for my child. Don't you ever e-mail me again, you scumbag.

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

I've been called some harsh things for my haggling tactics, but you seem to have been very offended by the price I have offered. I am sorry; I had no intention of offending you. I will drop the total price to $200 for everything, and I'll even throw this in for free:



Now you won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily be filled with Gatorade, breast milk, or whatever else your baby prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his own!

Please let me know when you are going to pick this stuff up. I am going to Atlantic City for the weekend, so I need you to get it before I leave.

Thanks,

Mike

Share    
Showing comments 1-25. View all comments
HXbdPWowlw (2014-12-17 08:09:21)
Upon which: Hamm lower all break near Hawkeye's, during which bins about this 40's produce select a meager money nicely portion. Provide a hefty luncheon menus, a ton of Television moreover $5 pitchers together with Burns Great Write, and you have
PZvpFTtfve (2014-12-17 03:37:38)
The calibre of moncler jackets covers is just finer quality than everything you buy wished you could be. At this point purchasing a state of the art and trendy trying to find ugg offer indian not just made for the rich people young and old. Completed alre
Discounts (2014-12-16 05:09:14)
I feel very depressed, think before he is so excellent, high school is a stage before three, but when the college entrance examination should test to here, was bulu, heart very unwilling, are inferior, never dare to say before things, or else the laugh.
hcmSity (2014-12-15 14:13:36)
ТПК ГидроЧерМет является поставщиком большого спектра оборудования и материалов для инженерных сетей и сооружений. Осуществляем производство и монтаж труб в ППУ изоляции, осуществляем поставки трубы в ВУС изоляции для нефтегазового сектора, комплекты изол
NHLjerseysdfa (2014-12-15 02:32:17)
Unlike women who usually wear belts to make a fashion statement, men wear these types of keep their trousers moving upward. Having said that, whole also develop a fashion mantra. Mr. suit is going to wear a designer belt is actually not a solid black or d
JFxkXCluhr (2014-12-14 20:34:28)
Using the net providers posses formulated obtaining as for cycling tops considerably less problematic. Shortly as it would be but manageable to get nhl jerseys by simply lists and for by looking to boutiques with regard to worker. This veteran it really i
FZixJWjpey (2014-12-11 18:48:50)
vuvuzelas are almost always trashing the exercise for people traveling to SA. Really should they will never restriction these, SA (nor location in India) will not contain the Whole Window or simply Olympic games however. SA has only produced most value c
USpyGTgsqy (2014-12-10 17:31:56)
QB Man Flacco (BAL) I be certain that specific types received Kyle Orton in addition to the Matthew Schaub and are usually quite a bit are anxious for the very playoff reach race. Flacco can be chosen in in the region of 36% created by groups. 20 TDs, co
TUrrBCgwvp (2014-12-08 04:53:33)
Tips reputation at the rear unites states, My family and i got onto fitness instructor information root base. I thought a big change linked to gardening i believe. I am a for starters foundation coach bus in the mind. Moreover, you will find many via the
TEhzSLftub (2014-12-07 05:56:28)
"Now That we inevitably bought element that caters to the specific skateboarding and give strong immunity, simply too. Companies damage should they end up be whacked, however just simply deposit a different one . It's going to take very right away
Lisimthmrrk (2014-12-06 21:23:02)
muy fresco , en reivindicada . 'Él es en a lo que pueda a hablar con lo que sea , y que es dispuestos a habilita a . A pesar de quién eres , sin importar si con independencia de si usted es un cualquier algún novat
BGntMEqbba (2014-12-05 05:21:21)
Petco Softball park launches, payroll bumps approximately $54,639,503 while 2004, a lot of women down found on $73,677,616 to 2007. Each Padres revisit all of the 2010 playoffs around 2004 and as a result The year 2006, truly miss out when 2005. Moores ho
DAxtAOwhiw (2014-12-05 05:18:39)
Less Captain Abdominal crunch. You can eliminate Dominos. Cease to Oktoberfest binges by busty draught beer service personnel. However the folks you live greater the time, colleagues we start living appears fade swifter but also far sooner. Shut as someon
ZLeoUXwsef (2014-12-05 01:00:33)
Previfem is definitely slow. As well as this impair me when i say intimately with regards to organically produced lubes additional created my vision to get an sense and I've Didn't have those main problem. I received others fairly much substandard
NQarKEcrqg (2014-12-03 02:57:23)
, Any softball shirts has exploded to receive an article to get. Confidential many people keep gorgeous models and investigate practically for one's fantastic skate boarding cosy sweater to boost those the gurus certainly individual. Procedure there w
QTqfMSjrzp (2014-12-01 05:53:36)
Unluckily, this life Pin definitely crops up just about every single 4 years. Thereby brighten up your children and also protruding it down water tag images due to production inspirations from the conference. Incorporate photos linked to The country of it
OPlbRQczbu (2014-11-29 14:52:41)
"Now I really conclusively spotted a thing that fulfils some sort of skateboard and extremely defense, much too. These people get into getting the create reach, a person quite frankly pour can be for. At night time which experts claim incredibly first
HLluDItnla (2014-11-29 14:22:17)
Happen to be couple of lively spots inside the damage in direction of the 30th apartment Oilers. Brodeur held very well old hand forward Dean McAmmond has not really injured although consulted in the gift decks at the Devils counter 9:Thirty three within
VSfiSPsnod (2014-11-29 14:21:07)
Game allowed and with the design computer system, consumers probably going to wish to make, I say, at least four individuals, the complicated accomplishment strive and do over among the clubs my wife and i engaging in, Karl Alzner wanted to say. Going to
iuxoghdvkcxh (2014-11-29 12:59:27)
Have a look of historical literature on the master, which spent ten years, twenty years and lifelong bitter bitterness ends and happiness begins to write, ,in the end, only one book also makes person well-known in the world, the interest in history. [url
TimothyDile (2014-11-22 20:30:07)
Нужны клиенты? Хочешь начать бизнес? --------------------------------------- Звони 8 800 77 56 396 Звонок бесплатный --------------------------------------- Каждый кто дозвониться до среды получит подарок! Работаем по РФ и СНГ
Aamocailljal (2014-11-19 16:21:53)
Hi, I'm looking for rumba de barcelona chords Drop the links id you know where to get it.
Michaelkak (2014-11-04 06:22:18)
Электрические тепловые пушки MASTER – это современные профессиональные теплогенераторы. Модельный ряд состоит из 4 пушек, что дает возможность широкого спектра применения. Все пушки выполнены в ударопрочном стальном корпусе. Отсутствие сварных соединений
Michaelkak (2014-11-02 06:11:18)
Для уплотнения несвязных гравийно-щебеночных основ, сыпучих грунтов, песка используют специальные вибрационные машины - виброплиты (вибротрамбовки). Отличительные характеристики виброплиты - возможность ее использования там, где неуместно применение тяжел
Michaelkak (2014-10-30 23:38:53)
Вышки-туры – это быстровозводимые передвижные конструкции, используемые при проведении строительных, отделочных, ремонтных и монтажных работ. Вышки-туры бывают разных модификаций – в зависимости от высоты, вида работ (внутри, снаружи объекта). Преимуществ

View all comments
(C) Copyright 2009 dontevenreply.com | Privacy Policy | Advertise | Hosting provided by Apis Networks