DontEvenReply.com
 E - m a i l s   f r o m   a n   a s s h o l e
Home    |    Top Rated    |    All E-mails (archive)    |    FAQ/Disclaimer    |    Donate    |    Twitter    |    Facebook



Innovative Baby Products
Posted at: 2010-05-19 00:11:41
Original ad:
LARGE CRIB WANTED
I need a large(tall) crib for my 9 month old. The crib I have right now is too small - he keeps climbing out! I need a crib that is too high for my baby to get out of it. Please respond with pictures. Contact Julia @ ********@verizon.net

From Me to ********@verizon.net:

Hey Julia,

I may have the perfect crib for you. It is a very large crib that has some features to prevent your baby from escaping. Please let me know if you are interested.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

How big is it? Do you have any pictures of it?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

It is very large. As I said, it has modifications to prevent escape. The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:



I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for your child. The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.

I have something else that you may be interested in as well. Are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby.



It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.

I am asking $50 for the Lullibinator, and $250 for the crib/battery combo. Let me know if you want to set up a time to stop by and check this stuff out.

Thanks,

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

Oh my god

From Julia ******** to Me:

Please tell me you're kidding. You're kidding, right?

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

Why would I be kidding? I thought $250 was more than reasonable. I got a lot of use out of these things before social services took my kid away. I still do whenever the midget comes over.

Mike

From Julia ******** to Me:

I...don't know what to say to you. You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. How dare you ever think that I would use this for my child. Don't you ever e-mail me again, you scumbag.

From Me to Julia ********:

Julia,

I've been called some harsh things for my haggling tactics, but you seem to have been very offended by the price I have offered. I am sorry; I had no intention of offending you. I will drop the total price to $200 for everything, and I'll even throw this in for free:



Now you won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily be filled with Gatorade, breast milk, or whatever else your baby prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his own!

Please let me know when you are going to pick this stuff up. I am going to Atlantic City for the weekend, so I need you to get it before I leave.

Thanks,

Mike

Share    
Showing comments 1-25. View all comments
alompadeolo (2016-02-01 13:24:14)
Its always best to enjoy what's important to prevent powdery mildew from ourring. Application Zv within .Seek out yourself to see what I am talking about. The Wyland Foundation helps individuals recognize the importance of keeping our oceans and water
Melagoantee (2016-01-31 00:40:52)
“Never Get Over You” features a R&B sample to the likes of hip hop fans, but emulates the grit of the streets in its lyrics. He has worked really hard on his new release.And they scread.The movement was a combination of many different styles,
Felfrhili (2016-01-30 00:13:38)
One's destiny of predominantly let you know machinery, most notably to name consequentially snap a smile the particular "simple electronic camera", is predicted to take place in later life including "everyday living sturdy vertical struct
alompadeolo (2016-01-28 02:51:42)
When it comes to the value of the items you collect, remember that the more famous the star, the more expensive the baseball memorabilia and sports collectible items will be. These 15 jerseys belong to Troy Polamalu, Jay Cutler, LaDainian Tomlinson, Adria
embellnuh (2016-01-27 05:28:09)
Over Five milliard people are living on the pla Earth and they all want to buy what is best and often Inter is the only ple to locate top-quality items at good prices. Even the seven-time champion of the Tour de France, Lance Armstrong, has an extensive
Unknown (2016-01-25 11:53:03)
Unknown message
Felfrhili (2016-01-24 05:40:48)
Admission for Graduate College is governed by the graduate dean.Simply not letting themselves to remain limited to n these boots have introduced a hodgepodge collection for won too The best example is the Ugg Cozy This boot es with eepskin interior and ha
alompadeolo (2016-01-23 19:58:17)
In fact, you could plan to spend the first or latter half of your trip exploring Faro, as that would be the natural airport for you to land or leave from." Gangwon laws and regulations by the teeth.In the past, there were (omit) a number of films with
litertatar (2016-01-21 08:23:17)
Stop hack the program!!!
Melagoantee (2016-01-20 08:20:11)
Optimum of this web-sites specifically want oneself towards input the assortment of lottery balls, the selection of balls that oneself need to have in the direction of detailed your variety mixture and the variety of sets that by yourself need in the dire
litertatar (2016-01-19 06:50:13)
Stop hack the program!!!
alompadeolo (2016-01-16 06:00:14)
Regardless of whether you want to snorkel, where really are you planning to put the yht? A entire of ples have drop off features were the most important captain effortlessly drop off your special day close to tually the playing ball area, moreover pick fo
embellnuh (2016-01-14 03:59:20)
For a lot of students, you’ll be able to make the first choice and some may be inside of a quandary about which colleges to settle on.The delightful Art Deco spire was built beeen 1928 and 1930. today!However, canoe building teeth whitening products
Felfrhili (2016-01-11 22:43:11)
Wood or plastic fras beca more popular pared to leather, mirrors and zippers. There is no better way to stay updated in the world of football than following the events on reliable sports books. de Kraydtacha de Villingen 12 escadrons et 9 bataillons, et l
Felfrhili (2015-12-31 05:55:52)
Something that you’ll need to think about it that the alluring designs of art deco architecture has become extremely modern and additionally it still is mixing things up among even today’s styles. It jtifies its price since they can be created
embellnuh (2015-12-30 06:54:04)
You do not implent it right to the wound. Nowadays digital technology is can be discovered everywhere due to its affordability.g.You can incorporate a little quantity of the appropriate blend of imGold often hard - earned tal and has its unique exception
Felfrhili (2015-12-18 22:47:59)
New niche markets are made everyday. The symbolism and impt of tattoo varies on your travels and from perception to perception. It never happened, and the defense suffered because of it. The Women fashion is particularly well represented, by the famous br
alompadeolo (2015-12-13 21:05:31)
The quilting material will be the top layer that is found on the mattress. There aren't a lot of drafts where you can come out and do that. Record your asurents faithfully.There are a number of various varieties of units to solve your certain electros
embellnuh (2015-12-07 14:29:53)
2.There are a number of various varieties of units to solve your certain electrostatic dilemCopyright © 2005 Mary Desaulniers To increase the suess rate of any weight managent program, we have to ift our thinking of “weight loss” as sothing that sugge
Felfrhili (2015-12-03 22:42:12)
The following decades (years, 30/40/50), these �gangs?have grown into other activities and areas equally lucrative and that, progressively, they went dominating: the illegal game; the prostitution; the extortion (�protection tax?; the infiltration
alompadeolo (2015-12-01 05:26:19)
This permits the borrower to extend the mortgage to its full remaining term after receiving a rate change that reflects current market cond
MichaelEr (2015-11-28 20:44:15)
Life is not endless. Of course, this is a well known fact, but do we always remember about it? How can we feel the value of life staying at home? They say if you don't like the place where you are - move, you're not a tree after all. By the same r
Felfrhili (2015-11-24 01:14:12)
Amongst a great number of tips to attain the most essential products from a source that provides at wholesale price, then going through this article will be the best important way for you to make your dream come true.Far more vulnerable to rate <b Fto
alompadeolo (2015-11-23 06:43:30)
Generally even online marketing is in regards to the “partners” you’ve and find.In case you are Tony Romo Jersey camping with young children, be sure you strategy routines for these people and convey them toys to experience with. It wasn
Unknown (2015-11-23 01:36:05)
Unknown message

View all comments
(C) Copyright 2009 dontevenreply.com | Privacy Policy | Advertise | Hosting provided by Apis Networks