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Football Sunday
Posted at: 2010-10-18 12:18:46
Original ad:
New church in need of an LCD projector for our Sunday services. We do not have tax exempt status but the donation should be out of the goodness of your heart.

From me to *********@*********.org:

Hey there! Are you still looking for a projector?

Mike

From Maria ******** to Me:

Yes.

From Me to Maria ********:

Well Maria, get ready to completely change the way your churchgoers go to church! What I am offering is a Multimedia Home Theater Projector system by JVC. It projects a beautiful 1920 x 1080 high-definition picture that will show the big game as if it was projected by the eyes of the lord. You can project on a screen as big as 16 feet, which comes in handy for those old folks in the back of the church that are still trying to watch the game. Powered by a 200W UHP lamp, it will be like the image was projected by the blinding light of salvation. Comes with HDMI inputs so you can hook it right up to a hi-def box!

Personally, I think it is about goddamn time you guys started showing the game during mass. I can't tell you how many Eagles games I missed as a kid when my parents made me go to church.

Let me know if you are interested in this badass projector, or if you want to hear any more specs.

Mike

From Maria ******** to Me:

The projector is not for football. We need to project our morning worship service to our silent room for people with infants.

Are you donating this projector?

From Me to Maria ********:

No, this isn't exactly a donation. Who are you kidding, though? You guys don't even have tax exempt status. Why would anyone donate?

Don't worry. I have come up with a plan that will have this projector in your church in no time. I am asking for $2500 for the projector. This should be very easy to pay off if you use the collection money for mass this Sunday. I have to imagine you guys pull in at least that much each service. When people find out you will be showing the games, I bet you will draw in an even larger audience, and more donations. This projector will practically pay for itself almost immediately.

From all the money you will be raking in, I believe it can help turn your church into something awesome. I am also offering a 1000 watt surround sound system that you can install in the church. Every play will be heard in deafening sound as if it was told from the lord. Your churchgoers will feel like they are actually at the game!

If that isn't enough, you can use the new found collection money to replace all of your benches with leather recliners. The possibilities are endless. We can even install some kegs at the front of the church.

Thou shall not pass up on this HD projector and sound system!

Mike

From Maria ******** to Me:

Shame on you for expecting me to abuse the church collections. Mass is a time to celebrate the divine sacrifice, not football. The thought of abusing the collections for such a purpose is disgusting and downright offensive. We will not be needing a projector from you, thank you.

From Me to Maria ********:

I wouldn't consider it "abusing" the collections. I would consider it a small investment to boost donations in the long run. You will get a shitload more donations if people knew it was going for a good cause, like a HD projector and recliners for the games on Sunday. I would much rather donate for that instead of having my donation money used in an out-of-court settlement for a child molestation lawsuit.

From Maria ******** to Me:

How dare you! You've got some nerve. This conversation is over.

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