DontEvenReply.com
 E - m a i l s   f r o m   a n   a s s h o l e
Home    |    Top Rated    |    All E-mails (archive)    |    FAQ/Disclaimer    |    Donate    |    Twitter    |    Facebook



Football Sunday
Posted at: 2010-10-18 12:18:46
Original ad:
New church in need of an LCD projector for our Sunday services. We do not have tax exempt status but the donation should be out of the goodness of your heart.

From me to *********@*********.org:

Hey there! Are you still looking for a projector?

Mike

From Maria ******** to Me:

Yes.

From Me to Maria ********:

Well Maria, get ready to completely change the way your churchgoers go to church! What I am offering is a Multimedia Home Theater Projector system by JVC. It projects a beautiful 1920 x 1080 high-definition picture that will show the big game as if it was projected by the eyes of the lord. You can project on a screen as big as 16 feet, which comes in handy for those old folks in the back of the church that are still trying to watch the game. Powered by a 200W UHP lamp, it will be like the image was projected by the blinding light of salvation. Comes with HDMI inputs so you can hook it right up to a hi-def box!

Personally, I think it is about goddamn time you guys started showing the game during mass. I can't tell you how many Eagles games I missed as a kid when my parents made me go to church.

Let me know if you are interested in this badass projector, or if you want to hear any more specs.

Mike

From Maria ******** to Me:

The projector is not for football. We need to project our morning worship service to our silent room for people with infants.

Are you donating this projector?

From Me to Maria ********:

No, this isn't exactly a donation. Who are you kidding, though? You guys don't even have tax exempt status. Why would anyone donate?

Don't worry. I have come up with a plan that will have this projector in your church in no time. I am asking for $2500 for the projector. This should be very easy to pay off if you use the collection money for mass this Sunday. I have to imagine you guys pull in at least that much each service. When people find out you will be showing the games, I bet you will draw in an even larger audience, and more donations. This projector will practically pay for itself almost immediately.

From all the money you will be raking in, I believe it can help turn your church into something awesome. I am also offering a 1000 watt surround sound system that you can install in the church. Every play will be heard in deafening sound as if it was told from the lord. Your churchgoers will feel like they are actually at the game!

If that isn't enough, you can use the new found collection money to replace all of your benches with leather recliners. The possibilities are endless. We can even install some kegs at the front of the church.

Thou shall not pass up on this HD projector and sound system!

Mike

From Maria ******** to Me:

Shame on you for expecting me to abuse the church collections. Mass is a time to celebrate the divine sacrifice, not football. The thought of abusing the collections for such a purpose is disgusting and downright offensive. We will not be needing a projector from you, thank you.

From Me to Maria ********:

I wouldn't consider it "abusing" the collections. I would consider it a small investment to boost donations in the long run. You will get a shitload more donations if people knew it was going for a good cause, like a HD projector and recliners for the games on Sunday. I would much rather donate for that instead of having my donation money used in an out-of-court settlement for a child molestation lawsuit.

From Maria ******** to Me:

How dare you! You've got some nerve. This conversation is over.

Share    
Showing comments 1-25. View all comments
BILL WILDER (2014-04-10 09:26:13)
DAMN, if they installed HD projectors, played games or even decent movies and youtube music videos, while serving beer, I might consider returning to the Church...(NOT!), funny stuff, thanks.
Wow (2013-12-02 03:59:22)
What a fucking bitch, just because you're a church you should get everything for free? fuck off church.
CTrain (2013-10-27 06:06:47)
@God Who are you praying to? Zeus?
God (2013-09-17 16:11:17)
Personally, I agree. Even I get bored at church. Church is one of those places where the ability to be everywhere at once comes in handy. I can pray for people and pray for a touchdown at the same time!
AOK (2013-07-16 17:22:09)
all the idiots trying to defend the church on this one are totally enslaved by the retarded religion they choose to follow. It was more than fair for him to say he would rather donate to a good cause like football in church rather than it going to keepin
Maria (2013-06-16 22:14:18)
And you were so close to getting a nun to swear, too. Next time maybe.
badabailey (2013-06-06 01:39:10)
This is awesome, not a failed trolling attempt. come on, "blinding light of salvation", hilarious even to extremely religious person like myself
anonymous (2013-05-24 19:41:30)
I generally love your work, but the people who are saying that this is brilliant are drones. I'm sorry man, but this was a fail at trolling. She replied very little and barely acknowledged your attempts in trying to get to her. :[
Lolz. (2013-05-15 13:24:23)
*trolling. (:
Lolz. (2013-05-15 13:22:48)
Hilarious. Even as a regular churchgoer. Our church projects the Bears game on Sundays after service; there's nothing in the Bible saying "Thou shalt not watch football!" The sense of entitlement in this person's ad is just begging for tro
PMaster (2013-05-03 04:05:13)
Осуществляем работы по устройству буронабивных свай диаметром 620-1500 мм. Применяются современные, высокопроизводительные буровые установки фирмы "Bauer" (Германия). Качество выполняемых работ соответствует всем требованиям современных норм и с
PMaster (2013-04-22 19:59:38)
Предлагаем Вашему вниманию НОВЫЕ обсадные трубы d1500мм, комплект 24 погонных метра В НАЛИЧИИ в РОССИИ. Производство ЛЗМО. Цены ниже рыночных на 20%. ТОРГ! Обсадная труба d880мм секция 5м – 2 шт. Обсадная труба d880мм секция 4м – 3 шт. Обса
Anon (2013-03-12 00:02:12)
Im glad he trolled this post. "The donation should be out of the goodness of your heart.". I hate when churches and pastors try to guilt trip people into shit like this. Like their entitled for free shit from hard working people.
inetryconydot (2013-02-26 20:29:52)
The Vatican appears rocked by ignominy and resignations proper as church leaders requirement gear up to supersede frail Pope Benedict XVI. The Vatican today appears rocked close to flagitious rumors and resignations moral as church leaders obligation me
jesus (2013-02-13 13:29:11)
lmao that was brilliant! like most of the other posts, keep it up
Anon (2013-01-19 03:48:07)
Most of these are really funny but I don't think you should troll churches and the like...
Slarti (2013-01-11 02:56:23)
Colon Fish, dear lord, why u still mekin us pay for ur pleasure?
A BiPolar Guy (2012-12-24 22:00:22)
I'm actually gay
Wibunusyscusa (2012-12-19 04:58:23)
At the point:)
theA (2012-12-12 20:40:05)
Churchies are just so gullable
Avi Goldberg (2012-12-02 12:30:47)
Catholics and their love of pedophilia... haha! p.s. Still those TV Evangelicals have got to be the worst of the bunch.
Wibunusyscusa (2012-11-29 13:14:21)
Very funny post...
Frythedeliveryguy (2012-10-23 15:28:36)
You had me at "I think it is about goddamn time". I bet she already started to poop her sunday best reading that.
Logan Bob (2012-10-18 15:33:24)
Black People
Kellen (2012-09-18 20:51:22)
Dhhd

View all comments
Add a comment
Name:
Comments:
(C) Copyright 2009 dontevenreply.com | Privacy Policy | Advertise | Hosting provided by Apis Networks