My New Jogging Partner
Posted at: 2011-01-03 21:06:38
i want to get back into shape and am looking for a jogging partner. i always run better if i can keep the pace with someone else as i am sure other fellow runners know. i only work afternoons so i can run during the morning or night, doesnt matter much to me. shoot me an email if you want to be running partners
From Me to *************@*******.org:
Dear New Running Partner,
Hello! My name is Mustafi Chukwuemeka Adetokunbo, but my friends call me Wuemeka. I have just moved to Philadelphia from Kenya and I too am looking for a running partner. I run for twelve miles every morning, and another eight at night. I now run a 4 minute mile. I know this is slow, but no worry, I am aiming to run a 3:50 mile by next month. I most look forward to running with you, my new friend! Please respond with your contact information and where you would like to run. I am not so acquainted with Philadelphia, but I would prefer to run in densely forested areas if you know of any.
Run with you soon,
From Steve ***** to Me:
wow man are you for real? theres no frickin way i can run a 4 minute mile!!!!!!!
From Me to Steve *****::
I am sorry to hear you cannot run a 4 minute mile. I can slow down my pace if you would like. How does a 4 minute 30 second mile sound?
From Steve ***** to Me:
HAH! dude i can run a 9 minute mile on a good day. thats it. im not training for the freaking olympics here...
From Me to Steve *****::
Nine minutes? Why are you so slow, friend? Nine minutes! Man oh man, is that slow! In my country, you would not survive! You would be eaten by a lion or speared by a rhino! I am very sorry for you my friend. You remind me of my last running partner Jumu, he was eaten by a cheetah!
Good day to you,
From Steve ***** to Me:
yeah well this isnt africa this is PHILLY. we have crackheads here, not rhinos or cheetahs or elephants and we sure as shit dont have rainforests. come on man are you stupid?
From Me to Steve *****::
I am not stupid, you are the stupid one my friend! We will see who is the stupid one when you are being chased by a lion! We have a word for fools like you in Kenya - KUMAMAKO!
From Steve ***** to Me:
leave me the fuck alone jumanji!
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Why you say I having a Nigerian name? My momma give me name that belong to great-great-grandfather.
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Whoa! "kumamako" is actually an insult...something to do with "your mothers pussy"
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anonymous (2013-02-01 11:38:18)
Lol! Jumanji... Fyi: d wuemeka's names are Nigerian
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Dude with a com (2012-12-16 23:11:18)
barney (2012-12-05 12:38:06)
KUMAMAKO and jumanji mad my day!
suewoo (2012-11-20 02:58:05)
hahaha kumamako!! dead and buried... fyi not all of us in kenya can run
Wuemeka (2012-10-30 14:32:38)
Aay, madd shit right here. I'm from Kenya n for those who dont know, KUMAMAKO means "your mom's pussy!" LOL!!
saxplayer (2012-10-30 07:11:28)
jumanjj, that possibly.made my week. Im.still.on the bus laughing. Oh crap people are staring
Freund (2012-10-07 20:42:14)
Why is everyone hating on the 9 minute mile?..... Oh wait. At first I was thinking that it could've been a female, but I guess "Steve" is a male who runs at my mile pace...SMH
Keep up the good work, Mike!
mrv (2012-08-04 04:04:50)
Lol, that's funny. Honesty, these guys should know the differencebetween jogging and running.
a runner (2012-07-27 23:26:14)
9 minutes is actually a pretty slow mile. anyone who calls themself a runner should be able to at least run a seven minute mile.
Anon (2012-07-26 09:47:52)
LOL crackheads instead of rhinos
deputy98 (2012-07-22 07:49:41)
jumanji, africa, rhino, kenya
Tsuf (2012-07-21 18:59:20)
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7veton (2012-07-20 09:55:44)
leave me the fuck alone jumanji!
that's made my day)))ahahahah))
whaddafuqq (2012-07-01 00:37:44)
Am I the only one that died laughing from, "leave me the fuck alone jumanji!" ?
Jake (2012-06-29 14:31:21)
Kumamako.. Mothers Cunt. haha
Mike's dad (2012-06-23 16:32:38)
"You remind me of my last running partner Jumu, he was eaten by a cheetah!" bwahahahaha..that would make him shit in his pants..
MBK (2012-06-22 07:01:20)
Actually it's: KUMAMAJO
barb (2012-06-21 05:03:55)
kingston (2012-06-20 10:54:46)
haha thats funny cuz chukwuemeka is actually my middle name
IdentityCrisis (2012-06-15 12:45:40)
Only Swahili speakers would know- KUMAMAKO means your mothers cunt. That's THE funniest bit HAHAHAHA
katieyell (2012-06-15 03:34:33)
anonymous (2012-06-11 05:16:00)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA "we have crackheads here" & "jumanji" killed me
Katie (2012-06-09 21:13:47)
I'm pretty sure I just pissed my pants
skippy (2012-06-09 11:46:15)
I can't believe they left us hanging like that.... Did they go running together?
Jay (2012-05-16 20:37:03)
Awesome that this dude knows "Kumamako". Last time I used that word as a kid, got my ass whopped by some random lady on the street.
The bad guy (2012-05-14 07:59:47)
None of you idiots thought to ask yourself why the guy wanted a to run in a forest. Hallooo psychoe!
Kipchim (2012-05-12 13:00:41)
Haha, you gota come to my place and you'll be taken to hospital for walking at abnormal speed.
Arthur (2012-05-03 07:31:16)
LOL holy shit I can't imagine being chased by lions
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Thats exactly what I think of when I think of Africa, people living in huts being chased by lions. Lol this is great shit!
Austyn (2012-04-05 23:58:44)
jumanji LOL the best thing i've ever heard
HappyHateDay (2012-03-30 20:17:31)
Jay is a fag
ol (2012-03-23 09:28:10)
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Jay (2012-03-18 00:02:44)
I'm not sure if calling him jumanji was racist or not lmao keep it up mike!
a true kenyan (2012-03-04 18:20:42)
He says "I have just moved to Philadelphia from Kenya" he never said he was kenyan so using a nigerian name is fine stupid
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After reading this one I'm 200% I've received an e-mail from you before and didn't answer. :P
I quit (2012-02-08 18:20:13)
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Mirolale (2012-01-26 04:27:41)
Kuma mako!!! lol Can't believe he even knew that insult!!
Mkenya halisi (2012-01-25 06:14:35)
But...Seriously..you could not pick a REAL Kenyan name from the Olympics Classics?
you have been watching too much of Lion King
Frustrated (2012-01-12 22:31:08)
*facepalm* at below comment
not a kenyan (2012-01-04 11:58:46)
kenyans are good runners due to the high altitude at which they train (their bodies become used to running with low oxygen levels). also, they enjoy grape soda and KFC due to the local climate
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I'd just like to point out that the 'victims' of these emails really contribute to humor - especially in this one. The laat line made me choke, heh.
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WOW (2011-11-26 21:35:52)
bombo- kumamako- mothers VAGINA classic
scott (2011-11-15 20:01:12)
WOW it's amazing how many ppl are taking this serious and u know who im talkin about lol.
Kenyan nigger (2011-11-14 12:20:15)
Iz da best runnr evr
A Real REAL Kenyan (2011-11-13 23:03:23)
Not all of us are fast. For example I know one Kenyan who is slow. Most of us are fast, not really fast, just the normal kind of fast.
HAHAH (2011-11-10 18:54:17)
Lazy Nigger (2011-11-07 16:47:15)
I once ran a mile in 30 minutes.
A REAL Kenyan (2011-11-05 22:47:35)
Our speed is genetic, don't hate us because we are fast, hate us because we are beautiful.
A REAL Kenyan (2011-11-05 22:45:46)
All you dumb fucks, we are the best long distance runners in the world. It's been long proven in our history. It's in the blood. We also have Nigerians born in our country who grow up as Kenyans although they aren't as fast as true Kenyans.
Leonard Hatred (2011-10-30 16:45:04)
You are so fucking incredibly retarded. Do you honestly think that's his real name? I've read the FAQ and it's pretty fucking obvious he was JOKING. You thick cunt.
A Kenyan (2011-10-29 03:29:32)
not all of us can run you dumb fucks
McDermott (2011-10-22 20:19:31)
Fools, it's not a crude racist name or whatever, it's his real name so he obviously knows it's not kenyan. Don't believe me? Read the site's FAQ.
Staan (2011-10-20 10:46:10)
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reggie (2011-10-12 23:54:17)
Are you fuckers serious??? None of you can run a goddamn 3 minute mile! Marathon runners' mile is just above 5...his joke is hilarious because people from kenya ALWAYS comes in first place after every marathon, barely out of breath. Not convinced abou
Abby (2011-10-11 07:38:58)
It is tru,nine minute mile is very slow in my country..u will get eaten by a lion..roar!!
Harry Scrotum (2011-10-09 14:18:53)
I can drive a 4 minute mile,you pussies.
I live in (2011-10-03 19:11:08)
Indra (2011-09-20 15:45:31)
The name of t kenyan dude is nigerian nt kenyan bt hey i jus cnt stop laughing...hahaa
bombo (2011-09-17 14:49:56)
jumanji - priceless.
kumamako means mother's vagina btw.
benjihurlock (2011-09-04 15:43:44)
we have crackhead in phillie.- i died
cheetah (2011-09-02 14:56:36)
my last running partner Jumu, he was eaten by a cheetah
ProudAnon (2011-09-01 21:18:06)
"That's a Nigerian name", etc.
The whole site is about him being an asshole (see: site's freaking tagline) to people, and this is what bothers you? The whole point of these jokes is to bother, annoy, and offend the people he's email
Cody (2011-08-31 17:54:58)
REALLY, PEOPLE?? You're pissed off at the 'racism' and crude name? He gets off on pissing people right the fuck off and you're worried about racism and vulgarity.....
If you get offended so easily, you ARE kumamako!
Cody (2011-08-31 17:51:38)
I jog a 15-minute mile. Or, I can bike it in like 3-4. Lol
Abby (2011-08-26 09:33:13)
those other mails are hilarious but this one missed it,am frm Kenya..nt all of us participate in th freakin olympics n we sure dont go by such names.tht is a Nigerian name..do ur research daaamn!!
Kilroy (2011-08-25 13:24:33)
I'm 101 and I can run a 20 second mile.
Bullshit (2011-08-22 21:12:19)
3 minute mile? Cars and bikes don't count.
OmniousE (2011-08-19 20:55:29)
In college I ran a mile in 3 minutes, but I haven't trained for it lately.
Poopmastuh (2011-08-19 02:51:02)
I can only run a solid 5:30 mile.
anonymous (2011-08-15 11:19:08)
Priceless email but Adetokunbo Chukwuemeka are Nigerian names not swahili as would be expected.
jay (2011-08-11 08:28:20)
am kenyan and kumamako means your mothers pussy. very nasty thing to say
jay (2011-08-11 08:26:50)
am kenyan and kumamako means your mothers pussy. very nasty thing to say
aussie tony (2011-07-30 09:01:12)
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Lmart16 (2011-07-27 22:07:02)
LMAO. Choked @ "You remind me of my last running partner Jumu, he was eaten by a cheetah!"
Al (2011-07-24 22:19:12)
You know what would be great?, If more of you assholes could explain the logistical fault of a nine minute mile by telling everyone what your time is. You know how fast I can run a mile? Who cares? Keep up the good work "Mike"
gig (2011-07-24 19:30:03)
Man "kumamako" that was the coolest. Very funny!!!
H. farah (2011-07-21 07:05:38)
first,where the heck did you hear kuma mako? i have a feeling steve kinda picked up on the fact that thats a pretty nasty thing you called him!!!hence the jumanji!!!second,really steve???really?jumanji?
bob (2011-07-19 22:13:39)
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anonymous (2011-07-18 15:35:56)
jumanji?? OMFG :DDDDDD
LoL (2011-07-18 04:31:24)
iam 15 and i can run 6-7 mile :P
as (2011-07-15 19:49:52)
that was a very racist man u emailed lol
COOKEHZ (2011-07-15 05:33:50)
so nobody started laughing when the last email said JUMANJI?
i laughed so hard
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I smell the hand of Ted L. Nancy here.
I just want to be a good neighbor
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tez (2011-07-02 22:03:44)
"we have crackheads here"
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anthony (2011-07-01 11:07:16)
FUNNEST CRAP IVE EVER HEARD
sarah (2011-06-30 13:14:32)
Haha! I actually saw this post. this makes me smile. Fuck that dude though, asshole.
Jamie McNamara (2011-06-29 19:16:27)
4:38 mile for this guy! And 10:02 two mile!
-_- (2011-06-28 09:04:34)
I can walk a 9 minute mile.
anonymous (2011-06-24 12:36:22)
XDDD this is too much... chukwuemeka and adetokunbo are NIGERIAN names and kenya is more grassland than rainforest
and i cant run a 9-minute mile, so i guess i would be eaten...
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jOSEPH (2011-06-21 11:48:56)
it is funny :) . . . . .
That guy. (2011-06-19 23:05:00)
a 9 minute mile is pretty bad. I can half ass it and run at least an 8:30!
But this is funny as hell.
vdollyn (2011-06-16 11:36:03)
Funny as hell!! And "Spoogey" really needs to shut the f**k up...ignorant bastard!!
ungratefulfans (2011-06-15 18:07:32)
damn it must having to see all the hate you get from all the ungrateful bastards
nick (2011-06-08 21:12:20)
wow man that is funny
hollajandro (2011-06-07 19:53:44)
leave me the fuck alone Jumanji! OMG I haven't laughed that hard since when I fell off my dinosaur.
anonymous (2011-06-07 18:12:56)
I haven't laughed this hard in years.
anonymous (2011-06-06 21:21:40)
Chukwukemeka Adetokunbo is a Nigerian name. Not Kenyan *rolls eyes*
doc (2011-06-05 07:42:37)
hahaha just awesome...jus peed a lil on myself
Jorden Lee (2011-06-03 22:57:36)
I love running - thanks for posting this I am running an ad looking for runners?
ownz (2011-05-31 01:23:56)
"...prefer to run in densely forested areas..." hahaha that had me cracking up...:)
k (2011-05-28 02:25:38)
i dont get it?
Lloyd Revalee (2011-05-26 04:26:45)
I just read my comment, and found that by typing did not keep up with my thoughts.
lloyd Revalee (2011-05-26 04:25:21)
Paul, I have need something amusing to read for some time, and was beginning writings such as these e-mails were a thing of the past. I'll be laughing for a week.
anonymous (2011-05-25 20:18:34)
>Mustafi Chukwuemeka Adetokunbo
I started loling there
aahahahah (2011-05-25 17:30:15)
leave me the fuck alone jumanji!
AHAHAAH i cant stop laughing
Mitch (2011-05-24 15:53:45)
This was the funniest freaking shit! I laughed so hard. I litterally couldnt breathe!
yhujb ub (2011-05-23 10:21:31)
9 minute mile is quite slow actually.
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rofl (2011-05-14 21:45:39)
"Nine minutes? Why are you so slow, friend?" hahaha!
Fred Chan (2011-05-13 10:54:44)
OMFG I also peed myself when I read this. I´m at work and I just couldn´t help but burst into laughter. I think I´m gonna be fired because of this story, it was totally worth it.
Arthur Kirkland (2011-05-11 07:08:22)
I say, what are you bloody morons fighting about! Stop this poppycock at once! He is merely an African man with stupid intentions. Why do you ponder on such stupidity! Wankers.
lold (2011-05-10 03:00:02)
The only people who will hate this are the ones who can't even RUN a mile without stopping and gasping for air every 200 yards. I, for one, laughed in tears.
zack (2011-05-04 13:35:47)
ati kumamako! Weh! That jumanji line cracked me up! Very funny!
person (2011-05-02 23:20:38)
BAHAHAHHAHAAHHA!!!!!!!!! THIS IS HILARIOUS!
spoogey (2011-05-01 13:57:38)
Omfg my trouser mouse jumped up in my pants and sprayed the world with gooey joy when i read this! Yes! Now my keyboard is a white sticky mess :D
Sisi (2011-05-01 01:04:25)
LOL at how the "Kenyan" runner has Nigerian names
kenyan athlete (2011-04-19 14:53:02)
L. (2011-04-16 20:02:07)
Hahha. Read the last sentence aand almost died.
kai (2011-04-14 10:50:42)
The best one for me. i just had tor ead "dear new running partner" and i knew whats this about and i lost it, then i tried to read out the name without laughing.. fucking brilliant
T (2011-04-12 20:03:47)
OMG the last part, Jumanji, FUCKING LOL!
Jaz (2011-04-05 12:29:02)
I dont know much about Swahili. Im just a regular black person and this was f-in HILARIOUS. The Jumanji reference had me cracking up.
fBownz (2011-04-05 09:01:10)
Kumamako for real ha ha ha Am from Kenya and ya thts wat we tell fools here
Jon (2011-04-01 15:54:40)
mehhh: It actually feels like someone from Africa wrote it, which was kind of the whole point, as he was portraying someone from Kenya.
mehhh (2011-03-31 11:07:24)
This one sucked. It almost feels like an Indian wrote it.
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McWigger (2011-03-27 19:59:41)
No one gives a shit. Stop complaining and enjoy the emails.
lish (2011-03-26 21:46:26)
lmfao! That's NO Kenyan name, Wuemeka. And KUMAMAKO is such a bad ass insult in Swahili. You'd be eaten by lions if you called anyone that. lmfao
Shiro (2011-03-25 05:07:44)
First off, I'm from Kenya and I can assure you that name is not Kenyan. Do your homework, at least.
Besides that, your emails are funny.
Jaha (2011-03-24 15:16:36)
The names Chukwuemeka are Nigerian not Kenyan.
The countries are very different..thousands of miles apart,West & East of Africa with half a dozen or more countries in btn. Kenya is not all jungle..you'll be suprised if you visit. Kumamako is a bad in
kenyan (2011-03-24 00:46:30)
kumamako ignorant bastard,get your facts straight!!! We ran fast to get to shcool then home for lunch and back to afternoon class on time. And at least find a kenyan name Wuemeka or whatever is n
mojo706 (2011-03-23 18:10:40)
hahaha the phrase KUMAMAKO really bad insult in swahili to all the Racists Pussies up in this bitch KUMAMAMAZENU pwahahaha
JayFreaKay (2011-03-23 17:40:12)
LOL Kumamako? There is nothing stupid about being your mom's pussy. and Jumanji? Is that all PHILLY has to offer. Still funny though
annie (2011-03-22 16:21:31)
lived in kenya for awhile. kumamaku means your moms pussy hahahahah
africa (2011-03-18 08:08:37)
THESE COMMENTS ARE IRRELEPHANT
fisrttimeusingurname (2011-03-10 18:20:09)
is this the first (and only) time youve used your actual first name?
ujnhujk (2011-03-10 15:52:11)
DEATH TO NIGGERS
anonymous (2011-03-10 15:04:36)
You are all fags
This is bullshit (2011-03-10 12:44:57)
Stop making these up yourself. There's no way every other person who responds uses the same phrase, i.e., "come on man."
Me (2011-03-09 18:35:47)
lol (2011-03-01 04:46:30)
this is PHILLY. we have crackheads here, not rhinos or cheetahs or elephants
sasha (2011-02-26 19:33:54)
i meant wat do yall fuckin want yall bitches .yall assholes stinks
sasha (2011-02-26 19:32:34)
wat do you fuckin yall bitches
... (2011-02-26 11:09:32)
Satanfuck (2011-02-26 09:40:21)
Jumu died!!! And this is how I have to hear about it?! So sad :(
Jimi DaHooch (2011-02-24 22:32:40)
Wow, you can run a four minute mile? Way to go Mustafi! It's a shame it didn't work out with Steve. I hope you get a new running partner soon.
Chex21 (2011-02-24 10:45:48)
Am from Kenya,and boy did you make laugh! lol..anyway the names sounds Nigerian but the kumamako was vintage.
Andrew (2011-02-21 18:04:02)
@Dustin i highly doubt you can run a 3 minute mile! the fastest recorded mile time is 3:43.13 and that was set by someone in the olympics.
Fred (2011-02-19 17:54:01)
Lol pretty funny, 4 minutes a mile is 24 km/h, I guess any good runner can reach that... but not keep it for 12 miles
mikept (2011-02-18 07:24:29)
"leave me the fuck alone jumanji" hahahahahahahahahahahahhaha
Jen (2011-02-17 19:03:34)
Being able to run a mile in under four minutes is NOT going to save you from being caught by a lion. I don't have to be from Kenya to know that. Gazelles and zebras run faster than any human can, and lions seem to catch them just fine.
Dustin (2011-02-16 10:33:25)
In high school I ran a mile in 3 minutes but I haven't really trained for it lately.
anonymous (2011-02-15 21:38:01)
Stew (2011-02-15 13:39:01)
Reading this I could hear his Kenyan accent in my head ROFLCOPTER
Catrin94 (2011-02-14 02:59:45)
@Adieu Don't feed the trolls
Adieu (2011-02-13 22:51:26)
@OH_NOES_OMGBBQ: You really just sound dumb mocking people like that. You must be incredibly pathetic and bored with your life. But hey, if you enjoy making yourself look like an ignorant ass, fine by me.
An (2011-02-12 20:40:19)
Lol this is funny.
REAL_OH_NOES_OMGBBQ! (2011-02-11 18:51:52)
Yeah, I post the exact same thing. Just like how they post the exact same thing. I feel they need to be mocked for thinking they are making a difference. You're free to do the same with me. AMERICA FUCK YEAH.
OH_NOES_OMGBBQ! (2011-02-11 12:49:05)
eat shit and die
@OH_NOES_OMGBBQ (2011-02-11 11:42:03)
This is about the third time you've posted the exact same thing. We get the message, and it's neither funny nor interesting. Shut the fuck up, dickhead.
@oh noes bbq (2011-02-11 08:50:16)
your nigger food sucks go fuck yourself and get a job
OH_NOES_OMGBBQ! (2011-02-11 08:32:28)
Nooooo! Adieu, please don't leave us until the end of the month! You *are* this website! How will we survive without you? Well, probably just like how we somehow survive without AIDS.
LOLOL (2011-02-11 05:06:04)
haha you know if you email him, he'll just use you for another one of his stories LOL! So i guess theres no reaching him for an honest answer for any updates
anonymous (2011-02-11 02:03:16)
we've waited longer...you guys are idiots, he will update again
Adieu (2011-02-10 23:02:48)
I'm assuming this site is dead. It's been a long long time since we've seen a new post. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted. I guess I'll check back at the end of this month and hope he shows up again.
spinblastr (2011-02-10 22:06:34)
For real - he is (or was) a college kid at Penn State. He did this for fun and it went viral. Too bad he didn't keep it up, he's funny as hell. He'll probably end up being an accountant or something else equivalent to being dead. Pity. Wast
Double Rainbow (2011-02-10 19:22:00)
I emailed him and he said that he was on a quest to "Find Doc Brown". I tried to convince him that it was just a fictional movie but he wouldn't listen.
spinblastr (2011-02-10 18:46:30)
This is the longest he's ever gone between posts. He may be all done.
cock smoker (2011-02-10 18:40:41)
He who smokes it chokes it. This guy's a herpes covered piece of donkey cock.
Seinfeld my butt (2011-02-10 15:59:01)
I emailed him and he said he was in Ukraine.
Double Rainbow. (2011-02-09 22:29:52)
Last I heard he is going to do a remake of Seinfeld. Although that could be completely untrue.
sky (2011-02-09 18:54:04)
Am kenyan n I was on the floor with this massive! Absolute genius, the transaltion was bang on!
Swede (2011-02-09 15:45:17)
Oh god, this is hilarious! One of your best!
Darkthrone (2011-02-09 13:38:24)
On the dayyyy of my final sacrifiiiiiiiiiice, darkness calling my naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame
Adio (2011-02-09 12:43:32)
I love this site, made me shitlaughed hundred times. I wish best for the author.
Viktor (2011-02-09 12:01:39)
Hello all, I am from Ukraine. Am I the only non American here?
Turd Constructor (2011-02-09 11:13:00)
I love how the comments section for this particular post has devolved into complete cum guzzling faggotry. Oh yeah and this email wasn't funny. Fuck all of you.
AfricanFriend (2011-02-09 10:20:27)
Its surprising how hit or miss this Kenyan's grammar is, I doubt this is a real exchange. Not because of the grammar, what Kenyan knows how to use a computer let alone search personals for running partners. Make something else up thats funny or shut d
Arizona (2011-02-09 10:14:53)
I live in arizona lets see how many people read this website and where they are from.
xxx (2011-02-09 07:50:04)
This website sucked from the begining and I check now and guess what?
ishmel (2011-02-08 19:55:17)
Prayer Group Leader (2011-02-08 18:05:10)
I'll ask that we all join hands and pray that this circle-jerk lasts way longer than the last one. This post sucked.
anonymous (2011-02-08 17:30:23)
While my hot neighbour girl was riding me yesterday, I realized I forgot my wife's birthday the day before. What should I do now?
urine blaster (2011-02-08 10:20:41)
Do you know where we can go visit his comatose body? I'd like to urinate on it.
Spinblastr (2011-02-08 08:53:58)
Insensitive pricks. John's been in Pittsburgh Medical Center for two weeks. He may never wake up again, and you assholes are worried about a post? Please get your priorities straight. And pray for him.
OH_NOES_OMGBBQ! (2011-02-08 06:40:09)
*your contributions to medical science.
OH_NOES_OMGBBQ! (2011-02-08 06:39:49)
Actually, you have an established record of lying -- about promising to not bother to check this website anymore, yet here you are. So, should believe you now...why? If you keep your promise and never check this site again, I'll believe you about yo
meh (2011-02-08 05:34:54)
Actually, I have made significant contributions to the field of medical science. Can you say the same?
OH_NOES_OMGBBQ! (2011-02-08 03:59:28)
Not you too meh!!! You are the wind beneath this site's wings!! Don't leave!! Oh, wait, your contribution to this site, like your contribution to life itself, is nil. My bad.
meh (2011-02-07 14:41:22)
I know it's free but this site is so rarely updated, I'm not going to bother looking anymore. He's obviously saving all the good stuff (and the updates we should have had) for another book. Shame there will be hardly anyone left to buy it.
Billy McKale (2011-02-07 14:21:27)
POSTS SOMETHING ASSHOLE
akoua matata (2011-02-07 08:30:19)
If you like jogging for hours on end....try soccer it is good for you and a fun sport. Although i do not believe that it is a sport in kenya
likely story (2011-02-07 07:49:41)
This guy sounds as trust worthy as fox news. The truth is mike has just made his first debute in softcore dude on dude porn called don't even reach around.
OH_NOES_OMGBBQ! (2011-02-06 06:24:34)
NO PLEASE DON'T GO, "SAD!" I need you here! We all need you! You're what makes this place work! Oh, wait, no, you have no impact whatsoever. My bad.
sad (2011-02-05 23:10:17)
Last few were brutal and now the posts are few and far between. Im done with this.
insider says (2011-02-05 23:06:52)
Heard from the man that he's busy sucking egytian cock. Will post when the revolutions done.
niggerish (2011-02-05 12:13:59)
Obama is a filthy Mexican jewrat nigger
@paul (2011-02-05 04:13:00)
Yeah it is.. lmao!!
paul (2011-02-04 15:59:58)
Reading the comments section is funnier then the actual post lol
Go to work you prick (2011-02-04 09:02:25)
That's right asshole I'm bossing you around! Get on your computer and publish more emails, you fucking faggot.
Vaginaballs (2011-02-03 22:44:41)
"yeah well this isnt africa this is PHILLY. we have crackheads here." hahahaha
wtf (2011-02-03 19:09:50)
no update for a month... im done with this site.
Mark (2011-02-03 17:48:54)
Once a month? really?
U going out of my bookmark.. sorry pal..
email@example.com (2011-02-03 14:28:15)
dude, time for a new one. htfu already.
Fake (2011-02-02 12:44:33)
This is bullshit! This guy is making all this shit up!! LIES!!
robocop (2011-02-02 06:51:36)
Just because he's an asshole on here doesn't mean he's an asshole in real life. He demonstrates it by doing humanitarian work in Ukraine.
RE: IMPORTANT (2011-02-02 01:40:16)
You're so gullible dude. You really think he;s doing humanitarian work in Ukraine? Have you ever even read what this site is about?
Hachijj (2011-02-01 14:50:48)
Now we just log in to see updates in the comments section...to thnk he used to post 3 in a day..
freestone (2011-02-01 12:40:41)
speared by a lion LOL
Mubarak (2011-02-01 12:06:13)
I just turned on my country's internet to see if you updated. Demoracracy Smeracracy update your site. I will not resign until your site is update. I will annouce this to my country today at noon. See how you like 10 million people on your lawn.
IMPORTANT (2011-02-01 05:55:17)
Hey y'all. If you had just EMAILED John like I did, you'd know that he's currently in Ukraine doing humanitarian work. That's why he hasn't updated.
Addicted fan (2011-01-31 15:20:33)
I LOVE your work
Please keep updating!
liburn (2011-01-31 03:30:27)
Hahahahahhaa! JUMANJI! Awsome!
this sucks (2011-01-30 18:29:01)
U are terrible now
anonymous (2011-01-29 09:17:09)
UPDATE YOU PIECE OF CRAP!
jumanji (2011-01-28 08:24:21)
whens the next update?
@anonymous (2011-01-28 03:57:20)
"oh well you should run faster to escape from the crackhead" That's comedy gold. I think we have found the new Bill Hicks.
kumamako (2011-01-27 22:39:01)
Lmao he called him his moms pussy.... haaaaaaa! lol
don chano (2011-01-27 20:53:21)
u people hate on this guy, the whole point is that hes fucking with the people who post classifieds...and apparently people still get pissed off over the internet, when they should know better to not take everyone replied so seriosly...this site still mak
Bored (2011-01-27 17:29:34)
I think he's too drunk to post e-mails. It takes forever, with little pay off.
anonymous (2011-01-27 17:27:44)
Pretty funny but I would have liked if you mentioned something about the crackheads. Like "oh well you should run faster to escape from the crackhead" or something lol
kumamako (2011-01-27 10:18:20)
Connie (2011-01-27 10:11:11)
You're not doing as well as you used to!
hurry the fuck up (2011-01-27 02:40:32)
wuemeka fan (2011-01-26 21:39:11)
ahahahahahahahahahaha this made my day
eh (2011-01-26 14:31:45)
This one is funny, but not in the haha way.
fusionillusion (2011-01-26 08:05:19)
Kinda exaggerated since the record is the 3:43 mile.
franzjager (2011-01-25 21:39:49)
I thought this was funny hahahah
Borat (2011-01-25 10:08:11)
This email is funny................. NOT!!!!!!
LOL! (2011-01-24 18:14:11)
This one was halarious! just kidding
jumanji (2011-01-24 14:24:01)
jumanji? oh snap, this guy is THE shit :D
Jim Delury (2011-01-24 00:43:43)
I love this site. "Mike" should start updating more of these lol :-)
Kentiah (2011-01-23 20:57:50)
lost it at Jumanji.
Tommy (2011-01-23 18:46:45)
Derb (2011-01-23 13:23:36)
Good assessment on Philly, North Philly could be more dangerous than the African bush. I would prefer lions to lazy drug-addicts. Keep running Mustafi... to DC, you have a cousin in the WH.
Kamau..Nairobi,kenya (2011-01-23 09:16:02)
KUMAMAKO...nice one,but you shud have used some real name. WANJIRU or sth
also a fan (2011-01-23 08:48:35)
hey! ho! *claps hands*
nickelfan (2011-01-23 06:44:25)
If you agree Nickelback is the best band in the world say "hey! ho!" and clap your hands.
dasunninneree (2011-01-22 16:44:11)
Blithesome Additional Year harry! :)
hilarious (2011-01-22 09:07:24)
Anyone who thinks this is not funny has no sense of humor. This was hilarious. Keep it up.
Why do so many children post comments here?
H8er (2011-01-21 22:00:28)
Remember when this site was updated every Wednesday?
ICEMAN_CAN (2011-01-21 16:01:57)
I absolutely love this shit! I wish asshole had more time to do it! I am the same type of guy, but I do it in person cause i like the look on peoples faces when you shock the shit out of them!! Keep it up asshole! LOL!!
kumamoto (2011-01-21 13:28:31)
lolest jumanji whaaaaar?
Hydaga-dong-dong! (2011-01-20 21:20:02)
Dong! Dong! This shit post shit head shit face shit ass is going through the shit butt! LOOOLLLLOOLOLOLOL
D Lo (2011-01-19 20:34:23)
"leave me the fuck alone jumanji!" hahaha
nogonodobo (2011-01-19 17:55:24)
Tyrone Williams (2011-01-19 17:40:24)
It's amazing the courage people possess when hidden by a user name. For N^gger Hater, go fuck yourself you racist prick.
@sshole (2011-01-19 12:10:17)
I'm doing my own emails to pass time. If you're also doing this, I recommend trying to sell people stuff and casually mention it has a "slight urine smell". It always gets everybody riled up.
anonymous (2011-01-19 09:08:44)
hey you stupid nigger. update more. I miss this shit.
D (2011-01-19 08:56:11)
Kumamako! Ha ha ha!
Jumanji (2011-01-18 22:40:06)
I thought it was pretty funny, but I'm glad he trolls people. Some of the people he picks,albeit trolling, are real douchebags and very rude. Look at this guy, "Jumanji" was all courteous and friendly and he went racist and insulting fast.
waycoolerthanyou (2011-01-18 22:17:02)
That shit is pretty funny and fuck that racist mother fucker, grow up.
Marc (2011-01-18 10:26:32)
I must agree with some others....pretty weak. But I will keep tuning in...
=[ (2011-01-17 15:30:10)
this one sucks
kargo27 (2011-01-17 10:05:40)
LMAO!!! I thought it was great!!! "Leave me the F- alone JUMANJI" ROFL!!!!
Noir (2011-01-17 01:33:11)
Jimmy (2011-01-16 22:18:05)
I'm finding that its just as funny to read the comments on these, especially the dramatic 'I quit!' ones. i like to imagine the sexless losers leaving the page in anger never to return.
Chie (2011-01-16 18:56:03)
The ending line was instant gold. He/she should be praised for their inept outdated pop culture reference.
Still not good enoug (2011-01-16 08:43:24)
Best line "leave me the fuck alone JUMANJI" lol @jumanji...
@@Me(Liz) (2011-01-15 02:30:19)
Sorry, I got cut off, forgot the character limit. I was not saying nobody knows about why Kenyans produce great runners.
Walter (2011-01-14 14:49:03)
jumped the shark (2011-01-14 05:07:43)
One month for this? For christ, my farts are funnier than this exchange.
runner (2011-01-14 02:24:06)
This is so funny! I am really surprised by some of the mean thing written in response, both about the post and about Africans from any nation. Wow! Some of you need to read a book and get an education. It's embarrassing that we share the same citizens
HELP!! (2011-01-14 02:08:50)
anyone who has been on this sight from the begining should have seen the abortion/maternity clothes email cant find it anywhere its the bet one he has ever done put it back on or let me know where you can find it
Kenyan msichana (2011-01-14 01:13:07)
lmao!!Kumamako indeed!!who taught him that one.this was funny.
true nwa (2011-01-13 20:25:56)
did any one notice how he wants to run in a forest thats hiddien???? he wants your contact info??? rapist!!
David (2011-01-13 19:44:51)
I got this clown beat. I just got someone real good doing what he does. I think I am going to try and create a book like him. I would post it, but he limits characters.
me (2011-01-13 18:33:09)
that one sucked
D (2011-01-13 15:24:05)
great, this guy is back!
i like this post.
barf (2011-01-13 11:40:02)
not your finest work, you can and WILL DO BETTER
anonym (2011-01-13 07:37:52)
4 minute time?
even i get -20second time.
buy gsxr or something , no lion will eat you.
now i know how nigerian runers train, they run with lions...
anonymous (2011-01-12 15:06:32)
Very funny, keep up the good work!
arsen (2011-01-12 11:08:00)
i have to say that if i was steve my reply back to the first 4min mile email wouldnt have been a complaint about running the mile in 4mins i would be more worried about the fact that the dude is saying he wants to go run n b alone w you n a secluded area
kat (2011-01-12 10:09:39)
hahahahahaha leave me the fuck alone jumanji!
anonymous (2011-01-12 07:52:38)
HAHA! Jumanji! LOL HAHA!
Mubatu (2011-01-11 21:17:12)
I like fact you use Swahili slang correctly. Kumamako!
mkenya halisi (2011-01-11 16:18:21)
What exactly is a 'deep african accent'? I'm Kenyan and i find it stupid that people from 50 countries can be reduced to having one accent.
This post though..fuckin hilarious. :D
Havokreaker (2011-01-11 16:05:59)
why ado people keep putting anti hater comments up. nobody is saying its bad. no one is hating. a few people who sounds like theyre normal readers are comparing it to some that they like more. get over yourselves youre helping no one
btw this is hilariou
Um (2011-01-11 15:35:16)
Great one. Thanks
Jumanji (2011-01-11 15:30:08)
Good stuff :)
anonymous (2011-01-11 13:00:29)
that one sucked shit.
KenyAn (2011-01-11 12:14:05)
KenyAn (2011-01-11 12:13:22)
BO (2011-01-11 11:06:40)
@Smarter-than-thou; Kenya is in Africa. Dumb Idiot! Google it for God Sake.
@smarter-than-thou (2011-01-11 10:33:41)
Where do you think Kenya is then?
Smarter-than-thou (2011-01-11 10:06:33)
Kenya's not in Africa, dumbass.
Jumanji (2011-01-11 10:05:13)
The final reply made me lose it.
Juca Bala (2011-01-11 09:01:58)
Hillarious....Excellent...Keep up great posts, too bad not daily updated...Cheers
v (2011-01-11 04:50:08)
I think all opinions should be accepted as long as they're taken on the constructive way and are not just for messing around...
true, for me there were funnier posts, but i appreciate all effort
looking forward to laughing with the next!!
at @Liz (2011-01-11 04:32:14)
If altitude is the issue, then why aren't men from Colorado world-class runners? 5800 feet is the scientifically perfect training zone.
It seems to me that the altitude would only be a small component of why africa breeds good runners. A lot of it
bleh (2011-01-11 03:05:12)
dimples (2011-01-10 23:50:30)
Yea this one was funny
anonymous (2011-01-10 18:25:35)
anonymous (2011-01-10 13:20:25)
You've done better, a lot better. Whoever finds this one funny must be easily amused.
@Liz (2011-01-10 09:36:37)
Kenyans (as well as Ethipians, etc.) make great runners because they live at high altitudes, where there is less air to breathe, helping them develop their breathing capacities. Next time don't say "Nobody knows", say "I don't know"
Anonymous (2011-01-10 01:31:54)
One of the weakest, not very funny... but I love your work and appreciate what it takes to do this. Looking forward to the next!
MintBerryCrunch (2011-01-10 01:02:55)
how bout all you haters go make your own website and do your own stuff that you think is funny instead of complain about this guys stuff. btw great job the other guy was actually funnier than normal in this one. which is awesome.
Liz (2011-01-09 22:04:24)
Hilarious. By far not the worst. This is at least average. The last line makes it great. And it's not racist... Kenya is not a race of people, it's a country and it's known for great runners, which is not necessarily genetic. Nobody knows
Bethlehem, PA? (2011-01-09 21:46:45)
I think I remember you from middle school circa 2001. If you're who I think you are, then you're six hundred times smarter than I gave you credit for while watching you putter along on your snare/bass drum during band practice for two years.
schlomo (2011-01-09 21:27:10)
Leave the comment section for those of us who appreciate humor and go wack off to your sister's Marie Claire magazine
Swahili speaker (2011-01-09 20:34:07)
Kumamako actually is a very strong insult. Surprised you found it!
Toobad (2011-01-09 14:35:02)
You're not funny anymore.
Chamillah (2011-01-09 13:21:07)
Hilarious! Simply hilarious!!
Hank (2011-01-09 11:07:44)
The last line makes up for everything.
Ashley (2011-01-09 02:26:12)
One would not be 'speared' by a rhino, they would be 'gored'.
horny guy (2011-01-08 23:47:20)
racism is always a good fall-back-on kind of humor. lol
r (2011-01-08 10:50:36)
didn't make me laugh, but still appreciate it
Chris (2011-01-08 09:53:29)
"You would be eaten by a lion or speared by a rhino!" LOL!!!!!!!!!
Randy Marsh (2011-01-08 08:16:45)
Slow fucker will get eaten by a rabid crackhead soon enough
Randy Marsh (2011-01-08 08:16:44)
Slow fucker will get eaten by a rabid crackhead soon enough
anonymous (2011-01-08 05:27:38)
Keep up the awesome work - I thought this was hilarious!
fadia (2011-01-08 03:41:01)
if it were he wouldn't have a computer to write these.
Fadia (2011-01-08 03:40:46)
LMAO this one was amazing. And all you morons, especially "i quit" hating on his shit, lmao shut the hell up..guy prob has a life. Pretty sure he doesnt give two shitts what you have to say, pretty positive this isnt his main source of income..and
someone (2011-01-08 01:59:44)
kenyansss (2011-01-07 23:23:59)
We have crackheads here, not rhinos lol ur amazing
sirpaul (2011-01-07 23:06:20)
Please don't swear or make fun of people - it makes the conversation unrealistic. Just my 2c. Thanks :P
H (2011-01-07 18:58:46)
anonymous (2011-01-07 17:28:06)
yeah, worst one.
meow (2011-01-07 17:20:26)
leave me the fuck alone jumanji!
i wonder if these people ever find these.
Mr.Tea (2011-01-07 16:57:06)
This stuff is great, the haters are just sad they can't have sex, so they take it out on you.
Okonkwo (2011-01-07 15:25:22)
Wow. Hey guys? This is free content. 1. If you don't think it's funny, don't read. 2. Rather than suggest how he should have written his emails, why not channel your impeccable comedic timing and nuance into a project of your own?
wweqewe (2011-01-07 05:27:19)
I think you should approach them more slowly. Lately you are putting all the strange things in the first mail you send.
Kimmy Kimba (2011-01-07 04:58:31)
We have a word for you in our country... LUNCH.
Steven (2011-01-07 02:06:46)
Hi, I don't mean to "hate" but I'm very disappointed in this one. I thought that he said he wouldn't post if they sucked? We ought to leave him alone asking for updates so we can get good ones.
Josh-Wa (2011-01-07 01:00:44)
So many critics. I thought this was hilarious.
Devin (2011-01-07 00:40:08)
Not nearly as good as the older ones. A little disappointed. Still funny though.
anonymous (2011-01-06 23:32:49)
Used to laugh my ass off at your posts. Not any more. Step your game up buddy.
moremegadeth (2011-01-06 23:27:43)
man this stuff is always golden. sure the emails are coming in slower then before but i always get a good laugh. dont let the haters get to you
Tim (2011-01-06 23:18:12)
pretty good, but far from your best. I feel like normally you would have went with opposite approach though. In that you would have said you run a 13 minute mile and then give the person a hard time for telling you that you are too fat.
tbsteak (2011-01-06 22:19:13)
this is brilliant keep up the good work!
mwa (2011-01-06 21:16:31)
finaly a new one, another now :D
anonymous (2011-01-06 20:43:01)
yeah your stuff is officially shit.
mustafa (2011-01-06 18:34:12)
hahaha, this is hilarious. look at all the fuckin haters here too. keep making these please emails please!
A (2011-01-06 18:18:27)
"yeah well this isnt africa this is PHILLY"
as if a white guy can tell the difference
anonymous (2011-01-06 16:52:29)
LOL! Wouldn't you delete the E-Mail after seeing "Hello! My name is Mustafi Chukwuemeka Adetokunbo"
I quit (2011-01-06 15:44:27)
Some of your stuff is straight up hilarious. But the fact that this sad attempt took you about 2 months to put up... I'm done.
Ben Franklin (2011-01-06 15:23:53)
Chad (2011-01-06 14:47:01)
Dude these are great, it's not like any haters could do any better. Keep em' comin!
David J (2011-01-06 13:10:00)
This might be genius but you are not a genius if you spell genius, genious.
swahili (2011-01-06 12:26:31)
Swahili slang word, exact meaning is "your moms pussy".
From urbandictionary lOL
hebrew melvin (2011-01-06 12:22:28)
waste of time to read this one sucked !!
hiii. :) (2011-01-06 12:02:09)
haters gonna hate.. this was pure genious.
booooo (2011-01-06 11:43:15)
disappointment, i check here every once in a while and it seems they are getting less frequent and worse and worse!
FAH-Q (2011-01-06 10:35:25)
I got the book, and hands-down, best book of all time! if you're a fan of the site, you'll love the book.
cum_to_daddy (2011-01-06 09:51:39)
KUMAMAKO! to everyone :D
cum_to_daddy (2011-01-06 09:51:35)
KUMAMAKO! to everyone :D
mothballs (2011-01-06 09:30:42)
stop sucking at life
Your mother ass (2011-01-06 08:57:27)
haters gonna hate!
John (2011-01-06 06:02:48)
Keep ém coming! fuck all the pathetic haters
cc (2011-01-06 05:59:22)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH teary eyed from this!
Lilly (2011-01-06 04:27:10)
Please post more I love them
ben (2011-01-06 04:24:16)
lol. thanks for the posts man, ignore the desperate complainer
Sean (2011-01-06 03:30:52)
UsainBolt (2011-01-06 03:09:24)
This was hilarious!!!!! One of the better ones I have to say
Jumanji (2011-01-06 02:51:01)
hahahaahhaha fucking jumanji
Jumanji (2011-01-05 23:09:09)
H (2011-01-05 22:04:34)
That was pretty good. At all!
G (2011-01-05 21:41:26)
That wasn't good. At all. The only thing that really made me laugh was jumanji.
Sue (2011-01-05 20:10:06)
Oh my God.....HIIIIIISTERICAL!! Good one.
nice! (2011-01-05 19:23:02)
This was awesome! A lot of your fans are terrible pieces of shit that Sadam Hussein pooped out while he was hiding in his little spider hole thing. Thank you for messing with unsuspecting people. It is straight up awesome.
anonymous (2011-01-05 18:21:16)
C'mon you can do better than this.. This was just stupid.
mr.neutralname (2011-01-05 17:30:52)
you are a genius at making us laugh and you can do much better bro. thanks for all your posts.
anonymous (2011-01-05 16:55:01)
definetly not your best, but thanks anyway. it must be hard to be measured by yourself.
thatguy (2011-01-05 16:13:46)
I honestly think the reason he has not updated that often is because he is trying to accumulate enough material for his book, and why not? He would much rather publish the good material in a medium that you would have to pay for and update the site every
Fucker (2011-01-05 14:38:00)
HH (2011-01-05 14:36:49)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA fucking brilliant
Mr. Brown (2011-01-05 13:31:56)
Thanks for the update! Keep 'em coming, fuck the haters.
anonymous (2011-01-05 12:55:47)
re (2011-01-05 12:26:43)
Or one month, whatever. The comment still stands!
@dickhead below me (2011-01-05 12:25:50)
How long have we been waiting for a post? Like two months? Don't tell me in two months time you can't get anything better than this.
Youcommntersaretools (2011-01-05 12:22:45)
Quick question....any of you dumbasses ever think that the reason why shitty ones like this get posted are because you keep bitching about not enough updates? Otherwise maybe he would wait to post until he actually has one worth posting. I don't know
Hachijj (2011-01-05 12:07:52)
At least he has POSTED.The 'Kenyan' has a decidedly Nigerian name though...
joe batters (2011-01-05 11:03:17)
people have a right to express their opinion if its a sub par post just like people have the right if its a great post. No doubt this site is in decline.
anonymous (2011-01-05 09:28:19)
decent and good enough for a laugh and smile. Update more man. Its nice to laugh.
zzzz (2011-01-05 09:24:41)
definitely not your best material.
wtf (2011-01-05 09:18:51)
ReaganCriedWolf (2011-01-05 08:50:44)
LOLOLOL JUMANJI. I think he troll'd pretty well if he got the guy to call him Jumanji. Oh god lololololo wow.
anonymous (2011-01-05 08:19:46)
lol i love it!
Gantoo (2011-01-05 07:48:53)
Dear master troll. This was once a great website where I could come to laugh and enjoy your trolling. Now I rarely laugh anymore from your site because you update so slowly and when you do update, it's very poor material. Best regards, Gantoo.
Kumako (2011-01-05 07:31:38)
How someone can post a comment here if he died after reading the post ? Am i missing something here ?
lame... (2011-01-05 04:41:02)
This is your nadir.
crackhead (2011-01-05 03:55:47)
i believe crackheads are faster than lions so this guy should definatly be worried
smirnof (2011-01-05 03:55:08)
jumanji... he went all white power on you and shit thats funny.
Thetubbygoat (2011-01-05 01:20:04)
anonymous (2011-01-05 01:00:10)
anonymous (2011-01-05 00:27:32)
Eh, you've trolled better.
Malik (2011-01-04 23:57:47)
Haha kumomoka means you moms pussy
xen_zero (2011-01-04 23:02:30)
mike (2011-01-04 22:58:05)
Awesome. Keep them coming more often please! We are fucking tired of waiting!! We all love your site.
For whining idiots - "it's not your best" - stop that shit please.
Also (2011-01-04 22:06:08)
Holy shit, check out the ad to the left. 'Fitness singles, Meet running singles, view photo profiles'.
Holy fuck (2011-01-04 22:04:15)
Everybody here acts like some faggot fucking critic. "Ohhh not your best work I'm afraid, it lacked the emotional depth of the others. Alas, this may be the last time I visit your site, mmyes." Shut the fuck up, jesus christ.
Yes Please (2011-01-04 21:47:39)
Not jumanji though. Lmao
Jim (2011-01-04 21:25:47)
You are either trying way too hard or not enough. I'm going to say 'trying too hard' because you once went after those who spammed you. Now, you just harass people posting in the appropriate venue who've done nothing to you. You stopped
bigisdickis (2011-01-04 21:02:18)
great stuff my man!!!
John (2011-01-04 20:26:37)
While I agree it's not as good as previous posts, this is still good stuff. I do wish this came a little more often though. Either way, I highly appreciate anytime there is a new post, thanks for the laughs!
Black2mato (2011-01-04 19:29:00)
Happy I have something new to read. Fuck all those fags who complain. This shit is better than nothing. I have an idea. Start a website, come up with funny shit, then crank it out like a fucking machine.
P.S. For the fucktard who asked for pics... Go fu
awesome (2011-01-04 18:23:47)
loled at jumanji xD
ehhhhhhhh (2011-01-04 18:11:51)
kinda shitty but I still love you<333333
Michael (2011-01-04 17:45:01)
made me laugh quite hard :D
dirk (2011-01-04 17:41:46)
pwhahaha dude straight called you jumanji! lmao
mac (2011-01-04 16:51:36)
Nice work man, wish i would of thought of this first
Alexandra (2011-01-04 16:10:56)
Hahaha , I love you man - keep 'em coming !
thebestreagentnbham (2011-01-04 16:07:37)
This is the reason I keep constantly looking for new ones! I died laughing at the end! Thanks for these and keep them coming!
anonymous (2011-01-04 16:05:28)
your fans suck dick dude, bunch of ungrateful shits. every post I read that I think is awesome has a bunch of whining faggots going "meh not your best." i would hate them if i were you. this one was hilarious, BTW
Last One.. (2011-01-04 16:03:41)
These keep getting more and more lame. I will happily say this is the last time I shall visit this site. For all old ones, good stuff, to all the new, what a waste...
wut (2011-01-04 15:55:38)
using 'frickin' instead of 'fuckin' does not make it sound any less faaaaaaaake.
twig with berries (2011-01-04 15:43:58)
can't you do this crap a little more often, it's not rocket science....anything halfway humorous is better than nothing. kumamako!
Tonight (2011-01-04 15:28:28)
When i win the mega millions tonight i will pay you to write one a week thanks for the update
lol (2011-01-04 15:23:14)
Definitely not your best, but i loved reading it. I miss the good old days when i first found the site and read for hours at a time, disrupting everyone else in the library with my hysterical laughter. I hope you find a way to pick up the pace. Good luck
andromeda (2011-01-04 15:06:37)
I also read this with an African accent and I loved it! :D
I liked it how friendly you were :)
anonymous (2011-01-04 14:29:39)
hahahaha I couldn't help but read this with a deep african accent and it made it even funnier!
Mission (2011-01-04 14:23:49)
Teri (2011-01-04 14:10:20)
Comparatively this one is no good. The most clever bit was "leave me the fuck alone Jumanji" and you didn't even come up with it!
chenchowmein (2011-01-04 14:08:40)
Hey. I've your stuff for a while now and have loved it all the way. I also think the people who complain of a lower standard of late should put their heads back up their arse. Come it's not as if your paying him to write this stuff!
Never quit d
euro (2011-01-04 14:03:24)
hey man are you holding back the good stuff for the book? c'mon post more and post better
Sick Puppy (2011-01-04 13:47:16)
Jesse (2011-01-04 13:41:18)
I love that you're on Twitter now so I can get updates as soon as they're posted. Keep up the great work.
@pfft (2011-01-04 13:27:52)
What's stopping you? Go ahead. I'd love to see them.
pfft (2011-01-04 13:19:19)
Lame!!!! I can do emails like these in my sleep man. C'mon, be serious, we waited so long for this shit?
Dat Wynne (2011-01-04 13:09:41)
Hilarious. Great stuff!!
nef (2011-01-04 12:54:00)
Good to get new stuff from you. A note to the wise, adding pictures even if only generally-related to the conversation adds more humour.
Wha wha wha. (2011-01-04 12:19:17)
This is hilarious!!! "Leave me the fuck alone jumanji" LMAO! All u whinners shut the fuck up!
H-3 (2011-01-04 12:17:03)
Not your best work but good to read you after a long time!
HAHA (2011-01-04 12:13:04)
AyeDubbs (2011-01-04 12:11:43)
These are getting less funny every time. You're better than this!
Dylan (2011-01-04 12:01:29)
Hahahahaha. Man, I have missed these.
Brian (2011-01-04 11:48:31)
MrBriggs (2011-01-04 11:31:02)
LOL... "leave me the fuck alone jumanji"
Pete (2011-01-04 11:29:25)
anonymous (2011-01-04 11:26:55)
LOL thats probably the last thing this guy expected
Robin Williams (2011-01-04 11:26:48)
I love Jumanji
CWG (2011-01-04 11:20:37)
Not your best work.
Laughing guy (2011-01-04 11:13:43)
Kinda predictable, but very funny.
Sad guy. (2011-01-04 11:11:38)
Not funny :(
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