Welcome to Hellweek
Posted at: 2009-06-21 13:39:57
Looking for a pool manager for our hotel pool starting in July 2009. You must be certified and have prior experience lifeguarding. You will be in charge of several lifeguards for this position. Contact if interested.
From Mike Partlow to ***********@********.org
Hi, my name is Mike Partlow. I am interested in the position of Pool Manager for your hotel. Here is why I feel I am qualified for the position:
- I am an ex Navy SEAL. Water is my blood.
- I have saved countless lives on 3 different continents. I once saved an entire submarine crew from drowning in the artic.
- I am highly trained in underwater combat. I am prepared to handle any situation that may danger this pool.
I will make sure that this pool is safer than the Hau River during US occupation. Under my watch, pool casualties will be minimal. I will oversee a lifeguard "hellweek" style training program that I will make sure all the lifeguards under my command complete prior to serving for the hotel. Saftey of all pool guests is my top priority. I will also make every pool guest go through an intense underwater survival program before they are allowed to enter the pool.
Nobody drowns on my watch. NOBODY.
I look forward to working with your hotel.
From Mark ******** to Me
Thank you for your application. Unfortunately, you seem a little over-qualified for this position. We already have a program in place for our lifeguards and do not want our guests to have to go through any extreme measures in order to use our facilities.
******* Hotel Staff
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Melloney (2016-04-15 14:36:41)
That's a morekbrea-dl. Great thinking!
jb7782 (2014-01-05 20:26:30)
lol "you seem a little over qualified"
anonymous (2013-09-29 18:07:18)
Probably the least funny one I've read so far.
G.I. Kramer (2013-03-21 10:43:03)
Good to see that he will ensure pool casualties are kept to a minimum.
kimakaanna (2013-02-13 09:43:41)
@oddball it was clever because water makes up a huge percentage of our blood...however, M. Partlow said, "Water is my blood," not "Water is IN my blood." Lol
Oddball2 (2013-02-13 06:11:46)
@oddball nice use of the word tard, wrong direction, navo tard
lol (2013-01-10 22:24:11)
Cause blood has water in it...
Oddball (2012-12-24 20:48:21)
@Mike. WTF is clever about that phrase? One thing's for sure, you're certainly NOT clever. Tard.
Ramadan (2012-10-13 08:25:38)
Mike (2012-09-28 13:29:18)
lol did anybody notice "water is in my blood"
Not sure if it was on purpose but if it was, it was pretty clever
anonymous (2012-07-21 13:49:03)
I will make sure that this pool is safer than the Hau River during US occupation. Under my watch, pool casualties will be minimal. HAHA genious!
Sammich (2012-07-20 23:17:31)
Sounds like it would be a funny TV show, hardass ex-navy seal pool manager at a hotel
Mike Partlow (2012-07-03 00:43:40)
Mark was a complete idiot. I told him nobody would drown. He was just a complete fool.
Matt from Brooklyn (2012-07-02 09:47:08)
Solid application Mr.P......."NOBODY"
Bramsen (2012-06-16 16:48:55)
8^P (2012-05-03 14:53:04)
"do not want our guests to have to go through any extreme measures in order to use our facilities." lmao
Llllllllooooooooolll (2011-12-08 20:33:47)
Will (2011-10-22 02:48:00)
Should have replied to the effect that they had a problem with veterans and you were gonna let the VA know about their company.
Patrick Bateman (2011-09-21 11:33:02)
"I will also make every pool guest go through an intense underwater survival program before they are allowed to enter the pool." LOL
balcis (2011-07-29 05:33:49)
"Nobody drowns on my watch. NOBODY." hahah still laughing
J (2011-07-12 23:00:09)
Who gives a shit about typos, seriously, the real dumb shit is the guy who can't figure out what he actually meant instead of pointing it out and being a "clever" bitch.
GARY (2011-06-18 00:43:35)
I think he didnt keepbothering him because the person being messed withwas responding nicly instead of flipping out on the guy.
anonymous (2011-06-13 11:19:28)
NOBODY drowns on my watch NOBODY!!
Gavin (2011-05-26 11:46:19)
Ha! These are all v funny but so are the comments and the way they descend into tit 4 tat bitching. Just laugh at the fucking things and liven up!
hahaa@lol (2011-05-22 01:49:00)
so true xD
skittlezz (2011-05-11 14:30:12)
nobody drowns on my watch. NOBODY.<------ love it!!!!
paw(n) (2011-04-29 06:25:23)
lol (2011-04-27 18:06:35)
to the idiot trolling the idiot correcting the idiot who said there was no world war 11, lol just wanted to say this :D
Anon E. Mouse (2011-03-22 21:26:53)
To the idiot correcting the idiot who said there was no world war 11... please don't try to call people retarded when you have shitty grammar. Your mental handicaps are highlighted when you do so.
anonymous (2011-03-18 14:39:31)
To the idiot who said there was no world war 11 he meant world war two. Please don't try to correct other people you mental handicaps are just highlighted when you do!
yum.jelllo. (2011-02-25 16:12:59)
"Nobody drowns on my watch. NOBODY." omg, lolol.:D
What the ..? (2011-02-23 11:32:34)
I just love this site.
Greetings from Germany :)
@NaziTaited_German & some assholes who call themselves Nazis or Hitler: STFU. I bet you don't even know what "Nazi" means.
And just so you know: it's "Amerikaner", not "Amer
alan (2011-02-21 00:05:21)
LOL...psychotic ex navy seal, of course the hotel was polite back.
FDR (2011-02-12 11:10:07)
anonymous (2011-01-08 05:01:27)
My favorite part about this one is, it's not childish at all, really funny!
chokehold (2010-10-29 03:05:13)
You're too overqualified... to save lives. We'd much rather someone a lot less qualified...
Rawrtoyoutoo (2010-10-21 18:08:18)
I love how polite the hotel person is lol
Smartass (2010-10-09 11:52:41)
Uh.... As far as I can remember, there was no world war 11
shut up (2010-09-25 13:41:25)
@NaziTaited_German No one cares, shut the fuck up. seriously.
NaziTaited_German (2010-09-19 14:33:16)
So, listen.. Yeah. I'm a real native German, so... SHUT THE FUCK UP. STOP GIVING GERMANS A BAD NAME WHEN WE STILL HAVE TO TOTE AROUND WW11! FUCK THE HELL OFF! God fucking damn. Fucking Amerikaners. >.>
fuckingawesome (2010-09-09 15:42:27)
nobody drowns on my watch. NOBODY.
angus8504 (2010-09-05 12:26:31)
I cant stop reading these. they are just priceless and i am rolling around laughing so hard, my roommate is looking at me like i am a tard until he started reading these. I am hooked. I will make sure that this pool is safer than the Hau River during US o
kimlovah (2010-08-14 17:43:20)
i love this 16 yr old girl named kim shes sooo beautiful!!
fuck nazis (2010-08-14 17:22:42)
hey hitlers go back 2 sucking jewish cock in hell and shut the fuck up. dificult-hahaha! no comment needed! nutsack-u r wut u eat
Meh (2010-08-08 05:53:33)
You guys I forgot to tell you that i'm a big faggot.
Meh (2010-07-31 18:00:37)
SEMPER FI just shut the fuck up, nobody cares and ur a fucking buzzkill
SEMPER FI (2010-07-26 19:56:28)
dumbass u truly are a dumbass, the marine corps is a component of the united states department of the navy and work closely with u.s naval forces, so before u start trolling get ur facts right
Not Hitler (2010-07-25 13:29:15)
I'm not Hitler
Hooman (2010-07-15 06:44:14)
Over qualified! LOL
A. Hitler (2010-07-14 18:52:41)
Aufrautzen! Allen in EIN Ecke stehen, JETZT!
Ich mache du tot! Schweinhunden!
Kim Jong Il (2010-07-14 02:26:13)
Anon (2010-07-10 05:43:20)
"Under my watch, pool casualties will be minimal." Fucking priceless!
Dumbass is a dumass (2010-06-29 23:51:13)
Way to get trolled dumbass.
dumbass (2010-06-28 14:20:24)
LMFAO, SEALs are in the Navy and SEMPER FI (which you can't even spell) is the Marines' slogan. Congrats, good fight.
A Real Seal (2010-06-27 18:22:20)
I was a SEAL in the USAF. As a soldier I was trained in many hand to hands combat ways.
Samper FI - Hooorah!
Mike S. (2010-06-08 01:41:19)
anonymous (2010-05-07 01:01:09)
>>>I am and ex Navy SEAL. Water is my blood.
>>>Water is my blood.
>>>Saved countless lives on 3 different continents
>>>Water is my blood on 3 continents
laird (2010-04-24 02:20:10)
Coming from a guy that went to SEAL training this cracked me up like crazy.
Hitler (2010-04-24 01:33:45)
Hooyah (2010-04-20 07:55:28)
"The only easy day was yesterday" would have made it.
anonymous (2010-04-05 11:24:16)
nobody drowns on my watch. NOBODY. hahahaha
jew (2010-03-22 01:16:00)
anonymous (2010-02-19 11:25:55)
It should have read "former Navy SEAL"
I made the mistake of introducing someone as an "ex Navy SEAL" once, and only once.
seemoon1969 (2010-02-14 08:42:51)
excellent !!! - did shaked my body even without their lousy answers - yeah write again - dis the other pool-fools ( say theyre only drinkin & fu*** around or s-th) wonder u gave up that quick this time
l (2010-02-11 08:52:40)
Anonymous (2010-02-09 15:26:38)
Ninja R (2009-12-31 01:38:04)
SSG is an Army abbreviation for staff sergeant. Marines use SSGT.
flyboy (2009-12-16 17:56:18)
anonymous, you're stupid. Read more of the posts, and you'll get the SSG reference.
anonymous (2009-12-11 15:17:26)
Nowhere in this email does he refer to himself as SSG. When I was in the service, the SEALs I met just went by a first name basis. We didn't even know they were SEALs until after we inserted them wherever they were going
MMuraca (2009-12-11 14:53:11)
I just thought I would let you know SSG is staff sergeant, which is the marines, navy does not have any sergeants.
McAwesome (2009-12-03 18:55:49)
Nobody drowns on my watch. NOBODY.
anonymous (2009-11-14 14:24:48)
SSG Partlow strikes again ! No mention of AK47s or M16s this time, LOL !
Libra (2009-11-09 11:35:30)
Water is my blood.... Excellent!
refneanispage (2009-11-04 22:48:47)
Hi all wanted to introduce myself!! I look forward to being part of this comunity.
anonymous (2009-10-24 13:47:59)
Fuck u sandra hahahaha
Rminduh (2009-10-22 01:57:42)
LYounce, nice one
Oh and Sandra, I don't think this takes much time to do, if one is an intelligent person with incredible wits of course. Besides checking and writing e-mails is a secondary task, like texting;
where you born in the 60s or somethi
more (2009-10-20 10:43:46)
Jeremy (2009-10-10 01:54:22)
He carefully wrote his response, you can tell.
unknown fan (2009-10-04 19:40:56)
so... (2009-09-30 01:10:36)
where's that reply?
David (2009-09-22 16:44:29)
dirtygirl420 (2009-09-22 14:36:56)
sandra (2009-09-21 14:18:40)
doesn't this guy have a job? too much time on his hands, but he's funny as hell.
HOUSE (2009-09-17 16:37:35)
PROPS (2009-09-13 04:15:01)
to this site and the people who maintain it!!
perfict tant (2009-09-06 09:13:03)
this is great
graciano (2009-09-03 01:21:22)
this site is true genius, im glad i have something to read as i slack off..thanks to the genius who had the patience to put all of this into a page....
LYounce (2009-09-02 13:33:57)
Actually, you spelled ArcTic wrong as well. Good job looking stupid correcting someone else.
emma (2009-08-31 08:46:36)
didnt really think that 1 was funny
youpaynowisay! (2009-08-27 16:20:53)
you spelled arctic wrong....
oh, and you kick major ass!
DERP (2009-08-23 15:55:00)
the bit with "nobody dies on my watch. NOBODY" made me make a bit of chocolate from my rear end
Bitch (2009-08-21 08:48:36)
I dated a Seal once, he was awesome. The "underwater combat" thing made me laugh out loud. I love this fuckin' site.
LLmayne (2009-08-20 13:32:46)
I can keep on going all night tho
anonymous (2009-08-17 01:20:56)
this one got me at 'underwater combat.'
I Love Mike Partlow (2009-08-16 17:20:26)
"Safety" is spelled wrong.
tango down (2009-08-16 09:17:06)
RusswasbornFrom (2009-08-16 01:42:30)
a sweaty horse vagina
ihoperussdies (2009-08-11 21:57:21)
fuck u russ
russ (2009-08-08 07:49:07)
Don't make fun of me.
russ enjoys penis (2009-07-31 21:02:14)
hide me (2009-07-31 21:01:34)
shantella (2009-07-31 00:31:39)
It is true that our little Russ is a dumb shit. In fact, I have met three people named Russ and they have all been whiny little bitches. On a positive note, this site is genius.
russlickshorsevagina (2009-07-27 04:32:24)
oh and russ if u didnt read he is gonna post his reply at a later date u dumb fuck
russ is gay (2009-07-27 04:28:33)
russ loves to suck on sweaty horse vagina
Russ (2009-07-25 18:43:41)
And what the fuck is a "Rutabaker", Oh wait I just looked it up, its a synonym for a "horses sweaty vagina"... nice!
sporky (2009-07-25 14:29:17)
seals are not army based, they are navy! sLEEP, eaT AND lIVE IT UP!!!!
I want that (2009-07-23 22:51:02)
i would want a navy seal managing my pool
SB (2009-07-21 02:15:51)
Rutabaker (2009-07-20 00:44:49)
Russ: your parents sucked when they named you. What kind of dumb shit is Russ? Did they 'do better on the next one', maybe you have a brother Frank, or Charlie??
DDM (2009-07-19 15:29:04)
anonymous (2009-07-17 22:14:41)
"over qualified." LOL
Russ (2009-07-16 16:06:31)
Ok this one sucked. do better on the next one
anonymous (2009-07-15 16:30:35)
"I will make sure that this pool is safer than the Hau River during US occupation." Hahahaha
Luv2write (2009-07-15 14:57:44)
I have been reading through these and cannot stop crying from laughing so hard. Hilarious!
admin (2009-07-15 10:21:01)
lolz (2009-07-15 01:07:05)
deaths will be minimal
NutSack (2009-07-14 21:00:50)
This post was dumb. Try to make your next one actually funny.
anonymous (2009-07-10 22:46:31)
GIVE US (2009-07-03 18:00:49)
THE FUCKING REPLY
Canuck (2009-07-02 05:06:31)
italian anarchist (2009-07-01 09:40:47)
ahahahah man, you're so fucking funny when you act like a retired military man.
:| (2009-06-29 16:49:30)
where's the reply?
mi-au (2009-06-28 23:08:40)
this is so funny!!!
anonymous (2009-06-25 03:55:11)
****This post has been edited by Chuck Norris
David (2009-06-23 13:02:33)
Marc (2009-06-23 11:40:48)
Thank you for making my day. I am seriously crying laughing right now, looking through your site. You are a sick bastard, and I mean that in a GOOD way :)
Anonymous (2009-06-23 00:08:44)
I like how all the people that comment on these are exactly like the people you email. And here they are, sucking your dick.
anonymous (2009-06-22 22:14:55)
this site is pure gold! almost good enough to set as my homepage.
are you stupid (2009-06-22 20:44:58)
* obviously not his real name, but the name he used.
are you stupid (2009-06-22 20:37:53)
that is the name of the guy who runs this site, not the person he was emailing. try to follow along.
lenny3 (2009-06-22 20:19:45)
he used (*)s on the last name, but forgot to put them on the first use of the last name.
really clever. poor mike partlow.
anonymous (2009-06-22 20:15:56)
Hey - site is great. I'd be willing to set up a rating system for your posts if you want. Throw a comment in this with an email address and I'll get back to you. Would make your 'Top Rated' section a bit easier for you obviously.
Artur (2009-06-22 20:09:31)
Well, you have fans all over the world, I'm already spreading the world in Portugal so keep it up.
This is becoming one of those incredible sites where I must go when I open my browser.
anonymous (2009-06-22 19:33:36)
hey, brilliant site. enjoyed it a lot. keep the posts coming!
anonymous (2009-06-22 18:51:46)
@Difficult: Do you actually have no life?
Difficult (2009-06-22 18:45:55)
It's going to be hard to make every guest pass an underwater survival course before they are allowed into the pool.
Will B (2009-06-22 17:47:44)
Hello Friends From London who are now looking because its posted on my facebook. Yes its true I am happy!
Matt W (2009-06-22 17:33:44)
I wish I was more like Will B... he sounds like a sweetie
Will B (2009-06-22 17:29:49)
The guy doing this sounds so cute!
Quantum714 (2009-06-22 12:25:50)
Nice one. CONTINUE!
anon (2009-06-22 10:29:11)
I clicked your google adds too. Keep them coming.
afe (2009-06-22 06:25:27)
Yeah, awesome. Keep this conversation going man :P
J (2009-06-21 22:58:00)
haha man youre awesome. :D
anonymous (2009-06-21 22:36:46)
I clicked on a some google ads so you get some money for running this site. I like this place.
anonymous (2009-06-21 22:11:49)
this website is SOOO cash
admin (2009-06-21 21:07:00)
I sent a reply, I dunno why I posted this so soon. If he doesn't respond by tomorrow I'll just post my reply.
no_more (2009-06-21 21:02:25)
I am surprised you didn't keep this one going.
anonymous (2009-06-21 20:53:02)
No responce? like... refusing me, you just killed a future guest etc.
anonymous (2009-06-21 19:00:39)
Lol @ over-qualified.
You should email him back telling him its un-american of him to not give a vet a job he can easily accomplish by years and tax payers money worth of training.
anonymous (2009-06-21 18:33:40)
I agree with LL...write him back!
SA (2009-06-21 15:23:32)
That is awesome, keep it going.
Taylor (2009-06-21 14:26:32)
LOL, I am officially in love with you.
LLmayne (2009-06-21 13:56:28)
write him back! keep this one going! it needs some more
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