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Christmas Dinner
Posted at: 2009-12-06 12:21:18
Original ad:
we need profesional catering for our christmas day dinner party. must have experence catering. SERIOUS RESPONSES ONLY
From Me to ************@*********.org:

Hello,

I am writing in response to your ad looking for a caterer for your Christmas dinner party. I am a freelance chef with a lot of catering experience. I was the top chef at the world renowned Restauran de Bon Foodeux for over five years. If you are still looking for a caterer, let me know.

Thanks,

Michael

From Brian ******* to Me:

michael thank you for responding. what are your rates? we are expeting about twenty people at are dinner party so will need enough food for all of them. can you supply the food and we reembirse you? also do you have a menu of mealss you cook for us to choose from?

From Me to Brian *******:

Brian,

Supplying the food will not be a problem. I have a wide variety of exquisite dishes for you to choose from, which I will list below. My rates are per person and it depends on the meal, but generally ranges from $20-$40 per person. Here are the meals I typically offer:

La Nouille du Triomphe
A meal of pure bliss and flavor - a delicious plate of ramen noodles boiled in the purest of water. Noodles can be flavored with either chicken or beef seasoning.

Le Repas du Fromage Délicieux
A mouthwatering bowl of easy mac cooked to perfection in a microwave. Served with a side of peanut M&Ms.

Le Repas de la Faim de Grande Personne
A delectably and savory microwaved TV dinner. The dish comes with two pieces of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, freshly grown vegetables and a satisfying brownie that is heated to absolute perfection.

Le Sandwich Rouge
A truly phenominal sandwich consisting of ketchup spread over a carefully microwaved piece of bread, and then topped with another piece of bread. Comes with a side of mayonnaise for dipping.

Dessert

Le Plat du Lait et de la Céréale
A satisfying end to your meal, this dessert consists of a bowl of fruit loops served with either skim or 2% milk. Milk can be substituted with water for those on a diet.

La Pâtisserie Bourrée
Individually wrapped twinkies that have been microwaved to sheer delight.

Let me know which meals you are interested in, and I can give you a quote on how much everything will cost.

Thank you,
Michael

From Brian ******* to Me:

what the fuck you actully cater that shit to people ? yea im gonna serve easy mac and twinkies for christmas dinner are you fuckin kidding me. my son in college could make that shit!

From Me to Brian *******:

Brian,

The twinkes aren't for everyone. I understand if you are on a diet, but for me, nothing celebrates the birth of Jesus like a twinkie and some good easy mac. If you aren't interested in that meal, would you consider any of my other options? My personal favorite is Le Sandwich Rouge. That is also very affordable. For twenty people, it would probably cost you about $400.

Michael

From Brian ******* to Me:

cut the bullshit fancy french names and call it a goddamn gross ass ketchup sanwich

From Me to Brian *******:

Brian,

I am personally offended that you are insulting my masterpiece meals. These are perfected family recipes that have been passed down for generations of chefs in my family. Cooking is my art, and for you to insult me without even trying my work is just plain rude.

Michael
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Showing comments 1-25. View all comments
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farts (2014-06-02 22:41:40)
this stinks
anonymous (2014-04-13 02:45:26)
ROTFLMAO i'm in tears man..
dez (2014-03-17 23:40:25)
absolutely comedy gold, thanks for laugh, my stomach now aches and i have tears from my eyes, gold my friend, pure gold, thanks again
anonymous (2014-03-13 18:02:12)
GENIUS
anonymous (2014-02-20 20:35:08)
These are just fancy French nameS for crappy American food!
You (2014-02-09 10:09:26)
Whether or not you are writing the emails and the replies, this shit is comedic gold and I really think you should be finding a way to continue this idea, or at least get yourself on a stage. You're a god damned genius, John. Thank you.
3rd critic (2014-02-05 11:53:18)
I agree with 2nd critic that it's made up. However, it's still pretty funny.
MagilaGorilla (2014-01-17 15:48:50)
I laughed so hard I couldn't breath. Then I started passing out and I was afraid I might die or something, so I stopped reading, but I still kept laughing. You ar dangerous man.
Scott (2013-11-12 19:10:43)
I have not laughed that hard in a while. Good stuff!
Tim (2013-11-07 19:13:24)
I suck fat ones.
Tim (2013-11-01 22:27:52)
Wait..I take that back, I feel like a douchebag for saying that now :/
Tim (2013-10-28 13:31:17)
Every person he contacts responds to him in similar language. I've never seen so many people use the word retard. I think he is editing these repsonses.
lex (2013-10-24 14:40:42)
Oh god as a french person I laughed so hard at the dishes names.
puhmonster (2013-10-19 16:36:49)
I tried Le Sandwich. It was pretty good
Rose (2013-09-11 04:05:12)
Lmao. So flippen funny! Thanks for the laugh
Le Ember (2013-08-29 02:27:30)
OMG I think I love you! Let's make babies! I'm 48 next week, so we need to get started right away, okay? BTW, I'm a dude. Hope that's not a prob.
PsychoMilkman (2013-08-12 15:00:14)
when i feel like I am having a shitty day. I read these! Usually happens while I am at work hating life! lol
justme (2013-08-06 13:45:05)
hahahahahaha dude oh my gosh.. this guy is hilarious xD I could read these forever
ab (2013-06-30 02:39:18)
this is the greatest website ever.

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