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Escalade Bodyguard
Posted at: 2009-06-24 08:14:22
Original ad:
2007 Cadillac Escalade for sale - 38,000 miles. Great condition! Asking $40,000. E-mail if interested.
From Mike Partlow to **************@*********.org

Hey,

I have a proposition for you. I will give you $50 if you let me borrow your Escalade for tomorrow night. I have been trying to get a date with this girl, but the only way I was able to get her to go on a date with me was by telling her that I am a very rich and powerful drug dealer. The problem is, I am not a drug dealer, and I actually drive a 91 Honda Accord. She will know I am lying if I pick her up in that. The only chance I have of getting with this chick is if I roll up in your ballin Escalade. If you let me borrow it, on top of giving you $50, I will put a few gallons of gas in it. I promise we will not have sex on your seats.

Please help me out!

Mike

From James ******* to Me

Absolutely not. The car is not for rent!

From Mike Partlow to James ********

James,

I am willing to pay you up to $60 to borrow your Escalade. If you are worried about me messing it up, you can ride with me. In fact, you can drive it. I'll tell her you are my bodyguard. That would actually work out better, I think. Do you look like a bodyguard? You'd have to wear a suit, and possibly one of those earpieces with the coiled cord running down your neck. You should occasionally touch the earpiece to your ear, like you are listening to some badass security chatter. You shouldn't talk have to talk much, just drive and look badass.

Please reconsider my offer.

Mike

From James ******** to Me

No. That is stupid. Maybe you should try asking out a woman that isn't a materialistic gold digger.

From Mike Partlow to James *********

Golddigger or not, this girl's rack is phenominal. Tell you what, if you consider my offer and I end up getting laid, I will try to snap a picture of her tits with my cellphone and send it to you. Trust me, they are great.

Mike

From James ******** to Me

Shut up. You aren't borrowing my car.

From Mike Partlow to James *********

Well James, you are being a cockblocker. I hope next time you are trying to get your D wet, you get the shit cockblocked out of you.
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Showing comments 1-25. View all comments
efkmerk (2013-05-05 05:56:05)
hahahaha u are awesome:P
derp (2013-03-12 21:48:43)
@melissa Look at the date of the post... When did you sell your car? Maybe you should "smh" again and use a frying pan.
Tadashi (2013-02-13 03:15:13)
@melissa: That's exactly why he deserved this. :oD
TigerladyNZ (2013-02-06 23:29:35)
Crying uncontrollably at "Do you look like a bodyguard?"
melissa (2013-01-10 18:02:19)
wow i only got 10,000 for my 2007 escalade with around the same mileage and with all the extras it was decked out in excelent condition and not to mention it was the esv or extended version with an extra row of seats. Smh at posting cars at retail prices.
Sachkeerat Singh (2012-07-21 15:07:30)
My Turban Is Dirty
Mike Partlow (2012-07-04 02:30:29)
James come on it was a good deal. Why didn't you take it?
James (2012-06-27 21:02:41)
Sorry if it would have been a pic of cock'n'balls he wouldn't even had to pay me!
me (2012-01-05 14:32:30)
can I still get a pic of the tits?
If I was that guy... (2011-10-01 17:07:57)
I would've agreed for sure! That'd be fun as hell to do for a night.
@HAHAHA (2011-09-30 07:10:22)
Five simple words: "Oh I forgot to mention..."
Some dude (2011-07-10 16:27:01)
I lost it when he called him a cock blocker
Me (2011-07-04 18:58:46)
This guy is really having fun with these people and i cant believe they also dump not to notice it
HAHAHA (2011-07-03 19:06:09)
But, what happens if one of these people he's messing with is so stupid they actually agree to one of his insane requests, haha then what?
nagz (2011-05-10 07:48:08)
"The problem is, I am not a drug dealer" - lost it here :)
annoying orange (2011-04-27 17:47:50)
@confused he'll make the situation even worse...
anon (2011-04-18 17:30:21)
I would have taken him up on the offer.
Nitro (2011-03-24 01:39:01)
I just loved the way he said "Well James". It sounded so pissy lmfao.
Kwushlickit (2011-02-20 02:45:48)
@Can you ppl PROFICKLOL!
:D (2011-02-16 05:31:24)
I have abs from laughing at this!
George (2011-01-17 06:04:14)
Holy shit I fucking loved this :D
Can you ppl (2010-12-09 19:20:09)
Stop re-phrasing EVERY single piece of literature ????? Stop QUoting!!!!!
Gorgo (2010-11-09 22:10:10)
That seller was an idiot, $60, free gas, and a picture of awesome tits, I would have totally taken the guy up on the offer.
SpaŠed (2010-10-28 20:44:21)
This shit puts tears in my eyes reading it, its so hilarious its hard to stop laughing whilst reading it. Keep up the good work!
Bahaha (: (2010-10-23 13:47:50)
"I hope next time you are trying to get your D wet, you get the shit cockblocked out of you." Amazing. Simply amazing

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