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Operation: Soccer Escort
Posted at: 2009-08-07 09:03:54
Original ad:
I am in need of a reliable and SAFE driver to take my 10-year-old daughter home from after-school soccer practice starting in September and ending in late November. She needs to be taken from school in Exton to home in Bryn Mawr. It should take about an hour each day. You will be needed Mon, Tues, Thurs, and Fri. Looking for a safe driver with a clean driving record. E-mail at ***********@comcast.net with references. We can discuss compensation. Thanks!
From Me to ************@comcast.net

Good afternoon.

My name is Mike Partlow and I am very interested in this job. I have a lot of experience driving under dangerous conditions and guarantee your daughter will arrive safely at home every day.

If you are still looking for a dependable driver, please write back.

Sincerely,

Mike Partlow

From Kate ******** to Me

Mr. Partlow (can I call you Mike?),

I still am looking for a driver. Good to know you can handle dangerous conditions...but there probably will not be any dangerous conditions; you are just taking my daughter down Rt 3.

Tell me about yourself - are you a professional driver? Do you have any references from past jobs? What kind of car do you own? Is it reliable?

- Kate

From Me to Kate ********

Kate,

You can call me Mike. I was never one for formalities.

A little about myself, I am 37 years old, and worked as a mercenary driver in the Middle East. I have escorted important clients through high-risk areas in Iraq and Afghanistan for five years. I have seen a lot of action, and have ensured the safety of my clients. Out of all the jobs I have done, 90% of my clients arrived at their destination unharmed.

I have several references. I'll have one of them e-mail you.

My car is very safe and reliable - perfect for your daughter. It is an armored 2007 Chevy Suburban. All glass has been replaced with multi-layered ballistic glass capable of stopping a 7.62 x 39 bullet dead in its tracks. The doors, roof, and floor have been reinforced with ballistic steel/composite that can withstand IED blasts and stop grenade fragmentation. This car has been put to the test and will always deliver.

Safety and protection is my #1 priority. The car is fully loaded with an HK416 assault rifle that fire under the toughest conditions. The roof has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed. Hopefully we won't have to use it, but it is good to have. I can't tell you how many times I've had to return fire against an enemy APC. I assure you that nobody will mess with your daughter as I escort her home from soccer practice.

Now lets discuss pay. I have various security packages I offer, and for your daughter I recommend my medium package which will run you $200 an hour. I also have a minimal package which is only $125 an hour. It is entirely up to you.

Let me know,

Mike Partlow

From Kate ******** to Me

This has to be a joke. This isnt Bagdad, it's suburban PA...

Are you just being sarcastic? What do you really drive? I want to pay 30 bucks a day, tops.

From Me to Kate ********

Kate,

Safety/protection is no joke. For $30, you are likely to get some 17-year-old kid who just got his license and will drive your daughter in his unarmored Ford Focus. I've seen an IED blow a Ford Focus into thousands of pieces, none larger than a golf ball.

My security package is well worth the $200 per trip. We will pick your daughter up in a random Suburban. Four trucks will pull up, and she will get into a random one every day. This is so the enemy does not know which one to attack. The Suburban she is in will have an armed security detail of men I have worked with in Iraq. We know what we are doing. She will be escorted in our convoy down the highway at a high rate of speed to avoid stopping in "kill zones." All vehicles are equipped with an MIRT which is used to change the traffic lights to green so we will not have to slow down. Your daughter will arrive safely in your arms no later than 20 minutes from when she is extracted from the soccer field.

Please reconsider my offer. You can't put a price on your daughter's safety.

From Kate ******** to Me

Stop wasting my time. Don't e-mail me again.


(later, from another e-mail account)

From Nick Walken to Kate **********

Dear Kate,

I am an old client of Mike Partlow. He told me that you wanted a reference for a job you are considering him for. Let me start off by saying, you could not have made a finer choice. Mike is the best there is. He literally saved my life countless times in Iraq. Whatever you are using him for, you have made the right choice. You will be 100% safe.

When I think about my experience Mike, one time stands above the rest. Back in 2005, I was a contractor in Iraq and had hired Mike's security detail to escort me through Fallujah. Everything was going fine until our convoy was hit by an IED. I don't remember much, but next thing you know, I woke up in a Republican Guard prisoner camp with Mike. I thought we were goners. They took me and Mike into a hut, where there were at least eight armed soldiers placing bets. They were going to make Mike and I play Russian Roulette. Mike convinced a soldier to let him play with three bullets, instead of one, which I thought was crazy. Mike even put the gun to his head once and pulled the trigger. He started laughing, and the soldiers started laughing too. When they let their guard down, he immediately shot three of them in the head, grabbed one of their AKs, and gunned down the other five soldiers. I didn't think we would make it out of that one alive, but thanks to Mike's heroic actions, I am here today.

You cannot go wrong with Mike Partlow. He is the best of the best. One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad. He makes do with what he has and will survive the worst of situations.

If you have any more questions about Mike, please don't hesitate to contact me. I owe the man my life.

Nick

From Kate ******** to Me

what in the hell...
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San (2012-12-23 00:22:52)
The fork LOL
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khggjfgj (2012-11-14 00:07:31)
plot from the DeerHunter
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What a load of fucking pish! How can this be considered humour? It's dire.
klip (2012-11-01 00:10:01)
Holy shit I have not laughed this hard in a longtime great stuff
anonymous (2012-10-28 10:30:53)
Holy fuck, this is the best one yet.
Hem_Hem (2012-10-16 17:26:10)
Jesus man, gotta stop reading these at work, can't stop laughing out loud.....hard to stifle the noise.
Bob Chippens (2012-10-13 10:50:27)
Literally crying with laughter, sore chest, had to stop reading three times, woke up my girlfriend. Genius.
Tavis (2012-10-13 02:33:19)
The best articles are the one's that you can see what's going on but still get surprised, when he put the three bullets in and took out the insurgents I fucking cried laughing.
James (2012-10-09 19:46:30)
crying
omg (2012-09-11 15:16:44)
@'Read The Fie Print' and other idiots who "did the math" there is no such thing as payed under an hour. Fucking retards.
Read The Fie Print (2012-09-08 01:44:05)
He said the ride would take 20 minutes. With $125 an hour, that's about 41 dollars a day, not far from the $30 a day offered by the woman.
@Oscar (2012-08-15 01:06:38)
Actually, it's from the movie The Deer Hunter. You should watch it; it's really good.
lellen (2012-08-09 21:25:46)
HAHAHAH SO GREAT im crying of laughter
anonymous (2012-07-21 18:04:36)
And this my friends is how children get raped by pedophiles.
deputy98 (2012-07-21 10:35:39)
LoL, I already guessed that Mike will said about a war realated vehicle.
Keller (2012-07-21 02:44:19)
Im was quite literaly laughing my ass off... i fell off my chair laughing
Mike J (2012-07-20 17:39:51)
Out of curiosity, did Kate (mom) post her add on Craiglist? Where else would you find such a great response. Good job Mike P. Please continue to troll, you are making Internet interesting.
Derk (2012-07-19 23:52:22)
Deer Hunter reference is the best of all.
Matt (2012-07-19 10:42:49)
LOL this is funny as hell, but ssriously though, what kind of parent would let a random stranger drive their daughter?
Oscar (2012-07-18 10:18:18)
Thats not from Battlefield 3. Thats from Call of duty black ops 1. While they are in the underground tunnels. Also why in the hell is someone posting to have a complete stranger drive their daughter anywhere. Then later you see these parents on tv crying
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epic..simply epic
Sean D (2012-07-04 02:52:23)
Bitch why didn't you take that deal. I would have
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Kate (2012-07-03 00:32:05)
Pedobear you may pick my kid up at 12.00. I'll be paying the exact same price as I told Mike.
Troll Lord (2012-07-03 00:24:17)
WTF that guy is genius. Give him Over 9,000 medals!!!!!!!!!
Captain Obvious (2012-07-03 00:21:23)
That actually happened in Battlefield 3
Captain Obvious (2012-07-03 00:20:29)
Sean my name is Sean and and I have actually ridden with contractors in a APC . Once a contractor threw a knife into a guys face .
Sean (2012-06-28 20:24:46)
I've ridden with contractors on my last deployment to Iraq. Mike, man, you are a fucking a genius.
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All of these made me laugh my balls off, give this man a medal
Humble reader (2012-06-24 20:46:56)
The best one yet from the TrollMeister
MBK (2012-06-19 05:48:25)
"...he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad..." ROFLMFAO muhahahahha
RandomGuy (2012-06-16 15:53:49)
I wonder how come everyone takes this seriously in the wrong way? If that would be me, i would've totally taken this Mike seriously and made the deal!
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Monty P. (2012-05-10 10:17:18)
"All vehicles are equipped with an MIRT which is used to change the traffic lights to green so we will not have to slow down." If I had the money, I would hire Mike.
Rawr (2012-05-06 17:06:51)
Hah I somewhat knew in my head that it was going to be about something similar with military lol. Well either it was funny ahaha. And the women was right, or didn't swear as much since she didn't want to say anything to "bad"
lola307 (2012-05-05 18:42:37)
"One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad." Haahaha that just killed me! :D
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This line had me in stitches: "The roof has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed. Hopefully we won't have to use it, but it is good to have."
Jon (2012-05-01 18:52:51)
Everytime I read this, I naturally picture Jason Statham narrating. Hands down the best one to date!
anonymous (2012-04-26 16:47:21)
lol, how come the women never cuss, and just say "hell" a lot?
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Adolf (2012-04-26 15:39:43)
Like the Deer Hunter reference.
Yes! (2012-04-25 03:48:35)
This is my favorite one. Hands down.
Sara (2012-04-24 04:35:58)
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This is... (2012-04-10 17:58:15)
I got tears reading this. God bless 'merica! :-D
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This is golden..... I have tears.
Harvey Harhar (2012-04-06 02:49:24)
The roof has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed. Hopefully we won't have to use it, but it is good to have. LMAO-hopefully we won't have to use it
anonymous (2012-03-14 00:19:39)
"Ohhh God Michael there's rats in here!" Mao!
Daniel (2012-03-14 00:03:32)
After a while i know the style and up-building of the writer, so before reading this next sentence, i knew something was coming and tears began flowing of laughter "Out of all the jobs I have done,90% of my clients arrived at their destination unharme
Kris (2012-02-27 03:14:21)
Kill zone was fucking funny
used condoms (2012-02-24 16:49:22)
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gunny (2012-02-13 02:32:41)
he didn't say a 37 inch bullet, he said 7.62 x 39 that's 39mm long
anonymous (2012-02-12 16:25:04)
If Mike gave me that offer I would even be ready to go whore myself just to see the convoy with my daughter in it!
anonymous (2012-02-11 08:09:46)
I was expecting a pedophile joke, but this was MUCH better.
anonymous (2012-02-10 00:02:51)
I really want to see someone actually take him up on one of these ridiculous offers.
anonymous (2012-02-08 17:08:13)
g
MAtt (2012-02-02 03:54:43)
Did anyone even notice he claimed he had windows able to survive a 37 inch bullet>
Sam (2012-01-15 13:42:23)
It would have been a lot better if he had offered his services for a completely mundane price, I think. Like $20.
Lebron James (2012-01-12 18:29:09)
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idiots (2012-01-09 04:00:05)
kids that think everything is from their call of duty bullshit. it would surprise you to know how many of the most memorable parts of call of duties, especially treyarch's, are stolen directly from movies. the sniper level in w@w? Enemy at the Gates.
Alex (2012-01-08 10:48:42)
LOL!
anonymous (2012-01-04 21:43:23)
Hahahahaha... you're a freaking genius
Indigo (2012-01-03 14:25:11)
What the fuck kind of parent puts an ad on the internet to find someone to pick their kid up and take her somewhere
Darwin (2011-12-28 04:15:47)
"Out of all the jobs I have done, 90% of my clients arrived at their destination unharmed." Ahahahahaha! "Four trucks will pull up, and she will get into a random one every day. This is so the enemy does not know which one to attack."
Asdf (2011-12-23 18:13:18)
"One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad."
anonymous (2011-12-16 02:50:33)
This was uploaded in 2009, it has nothing to do with black ops.
Ann (2011-12-15 19:16:30)
Damn, what a sexy car he must have. Haha! That would be a badass security escort!
dopeboi (2011-12-15 04:20:52)
I don't understand how you come up with this shit! this is probably the funniest thing i've read in my entire life and I can't figure out how you do this! Genius man, genius.
You retard. (2011-12-13 11:37:54)
@i hate stupid people: Do you really think the guy in this exchange was serious? He was fucking with her, as all the emails do. None are serious. You retarded fuck.
Mario (2011-12-05 17:29:28)
Ha ha ha gotta love the "Deer Hunter" reference!
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Kman (2011-12-01 20:18:39)
lol the russian roullette part was from "The Dear Hunter" XD
anonymous (2011-12-01 10:52:50)
To all you fckers who thinks this is real. omfg. Its just for fun jesus christ!
anonymous (2011-11-26 23:06:04)
LOL @ i hate stupid people. i hope you're joking. if you are, hilarious. if not... get a brain, idiot.
Billie Jean (2011-11-19 13:31:47)
Is the guy below me for real?
i hate stupid people (2011-11-17 16:24:57)
First of all this parent is an idiot for wanting a stranger to drive her kid. Second the idiot who thinks he's back in Baghdad needs to get off the rambo kick. I've been to Iraq twice and this guy is off his rocker. Hey macho man, go get a real j
idiots (2011-11-11 09:48:40)
Jesus christ ppl these days think call of duty invented the fuckin wheel
Blake (2011-11-06 02:05:43)
Plus one for the deer hunter reference.
Obsessedwit7 (2011-10-08 17:17:36)
LMFAO!! How do u even come up wit this shit??
ralph (2011-10-06 05:01:22)
and Black ops wasn't out in 2009 dumbass
Kevin (2011-09-27 23:57:55)
its from the deer hunter not black ops you idiots
Kevin Lantz (2011-09-24 04:50:33)
Anyone that thinks it was a rip from CoD clearly hasn't seen the movie the scene is from...
Derp (2011-09-23 14:41:20)
2009-08-07 09:03:54 <-- That was when it was posted How could that have been a black ops rip off??
hahha (2011-09-22 10:06:04)
The russian roulete story is a rip of from Cod Black ops hahah but i liked the part with 4 trucks escorting
Patrick Bateman (2011-09-20 16:41:11)
LOL a SALAD FORK! HAHAHAHA
Anthony (2011-09-17 04:37:06)
That mom must not care for her daughter... or ever played Modern warfare 2 (referring to the Russian invasion of America in the game)
Ease (2011-09-09 16:08:21)
Your references to pop culture make your emails even funnier, seeing that most victims don't even get them.
Matt (2011-08-25 21:53:48)
Ok, before I even read this, I have read the original ad, I have to say who the fuck asks random fuckin strangers to drive there kid to soccer practice, what if the stranger is a pedophile, you deserve to get your kid taken away.
LOL (2011-08-09 16:00:49)
the russian roulette part was from deer hunter
oOo (2011-08-08 19:29:40)
"Сырно (2011-07-28 00:59:04) I was expecting pedojokes as well. The template was completely destroyed." Mad cuz he didn't get a chance to hear a pedo-story. loser
Mstrss (2011-08-08 19:25:57)
==> "This is so the enemy does not know which one to attack" <== BWAHAHAHAAA!
Mstrss (2011-08-08 19:23:07)
Agreed Ely!! (2010-01-27 20:14:41) This has me bustin'! I went to reread it got me again >_< !!
JonBej (2011-08-03 03:52:47)
aside from the "Deer Hunter" shtick (YES! Deer Hunter you COD fuckwits!) the part that had me bursting from the seams with laughter was [...high rate of speed to avoid stopping in "kill zones."]
Jason (2011-08-03 01:13:55)
" what in the hell... " xD This is gold.
Damnnnn Bitches (2011-08-02 17:51:47)
This one didn't have jokes like the rest of them. I mean it was funny because he was so serious about it, but it wasn't as funny.
hehe (2011-07-30 21:43:47)
Kind of sad to see there are people like Kate who have absolutely no sense of humor though.
anonymous (2011-07-28 10:40:35)
Fork. Hahaha
Сырно (2011-07-28 00:59:04)
I was expecting pedojokes as well. The template was completely destroyed.
anonymous (2011-07-24 17:53:41)
I was expecting pedophilia jokes.
lololololololololol (2011-07-24 11:25:15)
Do any of you dipshits no that this came out a year before Black Ops? It references Deer Hunter, not shitty Call of Duty.
anonymous (2011-07-21 15:15:53)
"LOLOL this reminds me of a shitty game called black ops!!" are you fucking serious?
retards (2011-07-20 22:53:30)
TO ALL THE IDIOTS WHO THINK THIS IS FROM BLACK OPS: WATCH FUCKING DEER HUNTER. 1978. 20 YEARS BEFORE YOU FUCKING MORONS WERE BORN.
BLACK OPS (2011-07-20 20:53:32)
HAHAHAHA russian roulette then ak 47 sounds like the scene from black ops campaign when woods and mason were captured by the Vietnamese and were forced to play russian roulette then wood shot at himself and didn't die then mason shot the soldiers and
who cares (2011-07-20 19:00:09)
thats just freaking great love it.
awesome (2011-07-20 01:47:14)
this is the best of the best of the best SIR!
James (2011-07-19 13:08:30)
Nick's story sounds a LOT like a mission in Call of Duty: Black Ops :P
that man (2011-07-18 18:17:53)
damn 30 dollars a day. you won't be making much with gas prices -.-
meh (2011-07-18 01:03:10)
Exactly, Mike is doing the world a service. Or disservice if you think about the fact it is helping these dumbfucks survive to breed more.
tyugiftcyh (2011-07-13 01:28:43)
Who the fuck would put their ten year old kid in a car alone with a stranger she met on craigslist. that is so fucking stupid. i hope that exchange helped her realize how dumb that idea was.
joe (2011-07-02 21:21:24)
i watched the deer hunter just yesterday. Great timing.
Supervisor (2011-07-01 21:48:20)
This is my favorite one.
Steve (2011-06-28 15:19:08)
I'm glad you saw Deer hunter
Bradley (2011-06-25 15:03:49)
@Pee You simply jam the fork into the right place in the engine, and the rest is history.
superbanana (2011-06-25 07:24:31)
this is definitely without a doubt your best
DeeCee (2011-06-25 00:06:07)
Laughed until I cried....both times I read it....and in public too!
Boozemagnet (2011-06-21 21:58:42)
The fork line took it to the land of "too far."
Rabbit (2011-06-14 18:19:04)
Love that your reference's name is Walken. Lucky for you she hadn't seen Deer Hunter... Great stuff!
Michelle (2011-06-08 17:32:35)
This is one of your best imo :D I laughed so hard But the fact that this woman is looking for a driver on Craigslist for her ten year old daughter..... some people should not be allowed to have kids!
anon (2011-06-08 01:22:02)
I lol'd @ deer hunter. HAHAH so much WIN
anonywhat? (2011-06-07 14:11:24)
loving the dear hunter refrance!
Craig (2011-06-01 12:06:27)
This is great! I appreciate the research he must do to use proper terminolgy for foreign cities/countries, guns, etc...
anonymous (2011-05-31 16:34:14)
I'm pretty surprised that someone would actually put an AD out for someone to drive her kid around. Actually I am not surprised, people are idiots. Haha funny conversation though. "This is so the enemy does not know which one to attack"
MikeyDayy (2011-05-30 18:25:34)
Haha THAT'S WAT BITCH GETS FOR LOOKING FOR JUST ANYONE TO TRUST HER KIDS WITH ESPECIALLY ON CRAIGSLIST !!?? WOW THIS IS HOW KIDS GET KID NAPPED BITCH DESERVED TO GET FUCKED WITH !!!! BE A FUCKING MOM !!!! GOD DAMNIT!!!! UGH THIS PISSES ME OFF !!!
anonymous (2011-05-29 14:15:05)
Mike sounds pretty badasses :DDD
David (2011-05-26 15:32:48)
AHHH deer hunter dope
aninymous (2011-05-25 19:24:18)
FALUJAH XDD!
JIZZHAMMER (2011-05-24 04:14:48)
Yup... That's a hard go.. I remember my tour of duty.... Can't stand that Mid East heat..
@skittlezz (2011-05-22 03:13:10)
just about to type the same thing lol... wtf is she thinking??
Mark (2011-05-17 16:20:52)
Priceless!
Randomguy (2011-05-16 03:14:40)
I lost it at 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret. Priceless.
Lark (2011-05-12 16:36:23)
"...extracted from the soccer field." Priceless.
skittlezz (2011-05-11 17:55:51)
this is great, but what freaks me out is that the mom even considered letting her daughter ride with a 37 year old man that she had never met?
MAD MIKE'S MATE (2011-05-11 02:51:28)
Action man meets Annie
shane (2011-05-09 01:05:35)
magyver!!!
Pee (2011-05-03 22:56:29)
How do you destroy a truck with a fork?
Ford Focus (2011-04-27 02:59:30)
"none larger than a golf ball." lmfao
anonymous (2011-04-23 10:56:04)
"The roof has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed". Fucking genius!.
SafetyFirst (2011-04-18 23:58:23)
Seems legit
SafetyFirst (2011-04-18 23:57:33)
Seems legit
Conrad (2011-04-17 22:38:24)
Starting laughing pretty hard at the Deer Hunter reference. Everything before that was great too.
Fanatic (2011-04-14 09:28:22)
hahaha yup matt its from deer hunter :))))) fucking priceless hahahah
Tyrone (2011-04-13 04:45:29)
Nick's story sounds more like CoD:Black Ops
matt (2011-04-12 21:23:48)
Am i the only person who realizes that the roulette part is the plot of deer hunter?
anonymous (2011-04-03 06:34:24)
HAAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH this shit makes me laugh so hard
Lee (2011-04-01 22:45:58)
this is just too fucking awesome to stop smiling at.
Ismael (2011-04-01 19:59:47)
She's not looking for a professional she's looking for a taxi cab. $30/day
anonymous (2011-04-01 00:18:20)
@grant: awesome! I can't believe anyone else remembers the 'mao!' in that scene. I often find myself having to convince someone to do something they do not want to do. Slapping them in the face and yelling Mao! MAO! repeatedly has always been
Steve (2011-03-31 16:58:55)
The Russian roulette reference is an allusion to 'The Deer Hunter' with Robert Deniro and Christopher Walken. That is what the mission in Black Ops was based on, I believe.
anonymous (2011-03-25 18:00:22)
great one! :D
anonymous (2011-03-24 09:17:29)
I love that movie :)
ChuckleButt (2011-03-23 17:25:22)
My screen name may fool you, but I can't remember the last time I laughed this hard. I'm buying the book right now!
tom (2011-03-23 11:16:00)
i had to stop reading half way because i was laughing too hard!
Pedobear (2011-03-22 03:11:53)
Can I apply now?I know its February,but,Kate,if you need me,I will be there for you and your daughter.Contact me -1800-BABY
Jeeeebus (2011-03-21 14:33:57)
I have read many many of these, this is at the top right now, cannot stop laughing
Greywalker (2011-03-21 11:25:53)
Epic win, just epic win. Sick ad though, who would trust anyone with then ten year old daughter alone? Seriously, parental ethics in question here. Send in the pedobear!
Esteban (2011-03-16 02:06:33)
Mike your are too fucking funny!! Without a doubt I'm going to recommend this site to my teachers! Because my generation doesn't appreciate this kind of subtle comedy!! Lol A site for older gents made a 16 year old Crap himself!
nice pants (2011-03-07 18:15:32)
Wow, there must be a lot of older folks reading these emails. On every single one I've read so far there are multiple comments regarding incontinence. I'm pleasantly surprised that the older generations get this kind of humor.
anonymous (2011-03-02 19:53:55)
well kate had that coming if she was gonna put an ad like that up.
dude (2011-02-17 05:32:32)
I was totally hoping he picked somebody in the area off of watchdog just to see if she'd bother checking...
Peter Phile (2011-02-06 02:20:16)
$200 is a small price to pay when you drive in this beast. I would totally do this.
Facelook (2011-01-28 16:47:41)
better contact local cab or town car service to do that job. who's gonna do that for 30 bucks
grant (2011-01-21 18:18:05)
Mao! Mao!
A Wynne (2011-01-15 08:23:25)
Fact for you: Bryn Mawr is Welsh for Big Hill.
Soulman (2011-01-12 03:33:51)
firstly, great site, funny as hell. I gotta agree with Pedo-Bear, kate's kid is gonna get raped. Any sick twisted freak is gonna jump at that ad.
Kallisti (2011-01-10 03:59:31)
I would fucking love to have my kid driven around by a mercenary in that car. She'd be the most badass kid in school XD
Pedo-Bear (2010-12-03 13:09:40)
I read the ad and the first thing that went through my mind is...... "Damn she is going to get raped.... pedophiles usually seem like the best people"
The Beer Hunter (2010-11-29 14:03:06)
As several commentators have already stated the scene that Nick described is from the movie "The Deer Hunter" which came out in 1978 long before Black Ops.
Publius (2010-11-26 21:55:53)
Black Ops is ripping off Deer Hunter, which every other commenter has mentioned...
anonymous (2010-11-23 02:03:53)
the last paragraph sounds EXTREMELY similar to a mission in Black Ops, which is weird, because this was released well over a year ago
bjz (2010-11-17 20:17:16)
this woman is a dipshit who doesnt care about the safety of her kid... do you know how many tangos i've had to gun down driving my brother to football games?
Gorgo (2010-11-09 22:04:53)
So she wants a professional driver and references but she only wants to pay $30 a day.
Snix (2010-11-01 15:40:27)
It would be better if he didn;t mention the fork thing, mayby it would continue
EnglishMaster (2010-10-16 11:56:38)
Only $30 per trip for an HOUR'S worth of driving with her stinky-from-practice, annoying little brat?!? Hell, that probably wouldn't even cover the GAS, that cheap-ass BITCH!
Mason (2010-10-06 02:41:03)
A woman wants her daughter to be driven around by a stranger from the internet were they will be alone. I cannot see anything going wrong with that.
Mason (2010-10-06 02:40:08)
A woman wants her daughter to be driven around by a stranger from the internet completely where they will be alone. I cannot see anything going wrong with that.
werdyko (2010-10-05 21:53:17)
OH MY GOD! the best part that i didnt even realize before is that he uses the last name walken and the first name nick, which was christopher walkens name in the movie.... pure genius
werdyko (2010-10-05 21:52:03)
lol what nick said is an exact scene from the movie deer hunter. freakin classic
LUV3RBOY (2010-10-05 21:09:53)
OMFG!!!I HAD WORKED WITH THIS MR. PARTLOW B4!:O HE SOOOOO TOOK CREDIT 4 EVRYTHING I DID BAK IN IRAQ!HE WAS THE GUY I ESCORTED!!LOL "what in the hell...."xD
LUV3RBOY (2010-10-05 21:07:42)
OMFG!!!I HAD WORKED WITH THIS MR. PARTLOW B4!:O HE SOOOOO TOOK CREDIT 4 EVRYTHING I DID BAK IN IRAQ!HE WAS DTHE GUY I ESCORTED!!LOL "what the hell...."xD
travis (2010-10-01 11:11:21)
One of the best ones. When I first discovered this site I read all the ones that where available and I literally laughed so hard I was crying the whole time. I had tears rolling down my face. One of them I was laughing so hard I nearly peed and pooped
Sgt Jarhead (2010-09-29 23:51:26)
This guy is obviously a pipehitter. He knows the lingo.
LMBAO (2010-09-24 15:18:40)
Its sounds real out PA!!!
anonymous (2010-09-19 19:39:47)
this man has mastered the art of trolling...SO EPIC!
zygotesix (2010-09-16 23:14:36)
I honestly want to hire Mike the Mercenary to escort me to industry conferences when I travel for work. You can never be too safe, advertisers can be tricky.
Deer Hunter (2010-09-08 16:18:10)
That part about the Russian roulette sort of reminded me of a scene from Deer Hunter with Christopher Walken lol
lmao (2010-08-18 09:16:49)
*10
lmao (2010-08-18 09:16:33)
@joejoe okay honestly i thought that was going to happen too as soon as I read '0 year old daughter'
... (2010-08-15 22:07:52)
"what the hell..." pure genius
BlueGuy (2010-08-12 18:55:02)
I have seen a Focus get blown up by an IED into a thousand pieces none bigger than a golf ball. Serves that Focus right.
Azsen (2010-08-11 10:20:24)
Sounds like security detail for the president.
Glock (2010-07-31 21:10:12)
Haha I was unaware of the "kill-zones" in Pennsylvania. Thanks for the heads up!
A.R. (2010-07-25 14:40:53)
"This has to be a joke. This isnt Bagdad, it's suburban PA..." As opposed to urban PA, where obviously the heavily armored truck would be necessary :P
Leroy (2010-07-23 16:55:44)
I would've added one thing to it. When he talked about his daughter getting into 4 cars randomly, I would've also added that for an extra fee, we can hire body doubles of her daughter, to "misplace" the actual target. lol-soooo freakin
joejoewtf (2010-07-23 00:48:53)
@joejoe dude you are a sicko...
Mr. M (2010-07-21 08:05:15)
Hahahahha! BRILLIANT stuff man, greeting from Denmark!!
srh (2010-07-20 17:39:04)
'One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad.' omfg i allmost pissed myself
joejoeisgay (2010-07-20 10:29:15)
joejoe that would have just made the whole thing not funny and just flat out weird. good try though
joejoe (2010-07-18 18:35:55)
i would have told her i had done time for sexual assault on a minor or something make her think i was gna rape her daughter haha
walkie talkie (2010-07-18 15:07:47)
A+++ This gotta be one of the best. Thanks for the fun!
jean (2010-07-11 11:31:13)
You used shit from the deer hunter, priceless!
Wendy (2010-07-10 02:44:32)
I have been reading these for the past hour, this is my favorite, ..."four trucks will pull up, she will get into a random one each day..."I seriously am having trouble breathing.
anonymous (2010-07-08 17:00:05)
You guys are awesome, what more can be said? You should be proud, and aspiring trolls should take note of how class, movie references, tone, everything - can come together perfectly.
thebreadbinman (2010-07-05 16:58:35)
what stupid bitch would let a random person drive their 10 year old girl anyway?
nearsightedninja (2010-07-05 14:26:12)
i love the deer hunter references. obviously kate doesnt watch good movies
F-Kid (2010-07-02 02:57:51)
How is it possible this isn't top rated? he could've went 20,000 directions with this but he chose the right one, that was hillar-i-o!!!
WTF (2010-07-01 01:08:17)
How come this is not top rated? How do I vote?
anonymous (2010-06-27 20:35:10)
lmfao the response at the end was the icing on the cake
anonymous (2010-06-23 22:04:56)
wow...they are all hysterical...but wow this one has me crying!
michael (2010-06-23 15:10:33)
the deer hunter reference killed me hahaha
morgane (2010-06-21 17:31:24)
this sounds like the plot for a disney movie
Fahim (2010-06-20 15:26:54)
DID NOT expect the killing with the fork out of the blue! Oh my god lolllllll
Jon C. (2010-06-20 06:23:01)
Oh my god that was amazing. I was laughing the whole way through, but completely list it at "One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad."You are the funniest person since Bill Cosby before he aged into his bl
Jeah Cee (2010-06-17 20:53:28)
HAHAHAHA! Fuck yeah!
Stinky (2010-06-17 15:54:32)
OMG, I laughed so hard I crapped my shorts.
JENNYLOVE (2010-06-15 12:22:33)
LMMFAO!!! Dam this stuff is funny....
Tiirediiyes (2010-06-15 09:03:29)
I got a rush reading this.. wtf
BobSmith (2010-06-11 03:30:23)
That MIRT sounds like The Shizz omg that was hilarious
tom wehnes (2010-06-10 07:51:41)
im fat and i work in Mc Donalds
Patrick (2010-06-08 02:03:10)
I can't fucking work, not when I'm laughing like this!
eugene (2010-06-01 08:33:02)
Hahaha indeed fork is the meanest weapon: one hit- four holes!!!!
blaine (2010-05-29 05:46:38)
who gives a flying cunt if he took a scene from deer hunter... its fucking creative to even incorporate it
anzana (2010-05-18 12:04:45)
hahahahaha!!! yea this is the funniest so far!
Shoes (2010-05-16 00:58:08)
um dipshit it's deerhunter not dear hunter
Tim (2010-05-01 12:14:53)
I found this pretty funny until the Russian Roulette part came up. Not so original given that it's a scene from the dear hunter.
Mike (2010-04-26 22:18:20)
Haha WTF? He killed a truck full of insurgents using a fork from his salad?? LMFAO
Yoshimano (2010-04-26 07:39:02)
F*** This one is just awesome I'm a getting fired for laughing to much at work with this one :D Seriously "One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad." was one of the best, among plenty of other that had
That one guy (2010-04-25 01:48:03)
I honestly think that "Racist Microwave" was better
Anthony (2010-04-23 05:27:31)
This had to be the funniest one thus far.
arbitrarily (2010-04-21 18:51:11)
Brilliant!
Emmie (2010-04-16 20:55:19)
I peed in my pants!
nathan (2010-04-16 10:18:37)
i like monkeys
The hell.. (2010-04-16 01:05:08)
Is that a true advertisement..? Things could've gone so wrong.
dickhead (2010-04-15 09:52:20)
funny shit man
Courtney (2010-04-14 11:13:56)
i laughed so hard that i choked on my drink! hahaha
Mike (2010-04-09 21:32:41)
Best one you have done! Awesome job
Paul Bearer (2010-04-07 23:43:47)
Only one thing would have made this funnier. When she asked if she could call you Mike, you should have said "No, please call me Mr. Partlow. I don't like taking the risk of getting emotionally attached to my clients."... or something like t
Not Kate (2010-04-02 09:31:12)
Very funny
old man (2010-03-23 04:10:41)
this is a very old joke! right mars?
filly boy (2010-03-22 19:15:59)
dats wats up mah man im tellin yall funny ass shit
jew (2010-03-22 01:51:11)
I'm jewish
rat salad (2010-03-20 12:33:30)
Total whoop-ass!
kri (2010-03-19 02:59:16)
there has to be some emails that backfired... I mean people can be that crazy. "ok ill pay you 200 an hour, deal?" then what hahaha I want to see that happening
Dave (2010-03-17 09:26:30)
Loved the Deer Hunter reference, lol
Awesome (2010-03-17 00:29:36)
I love the follow up recommendation email. 3 bullets...lmao
Kirk! (2010-03-14 16:04:41)
Wow instant classic man! LOLLLLLllll
daisy (2010-03-12 19:55:53)
HAHAHA!!!! That was so, so, damn funny!!
anonymous (2010-03-07 22:39:54)
DEER HUNTER!!!!!!
david (2010-03-05 09:07:37)
LOL @ the deerhunter scene
Matt (2010-03-04 15:08:12)
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Genius
Dave (2010-03-01 10:03:56)
" Good to know you can handle dangerous conditions...but there probably will not be any dangerous conditions; you are just taking my daughter down Rt 3." LOL!!!!
Restaurant Recipes secrets (2010-02-27 13:55:11)
keep quoting these dead white guys for a reason. We seem to be repeating some particularly nasty history, right now.
me (2010-02-26 13:21:44)
where can i find mike????
Anala Canal (2010-02-26 07:46:41)
Splendid job, my good man.
Adam (2010-02-26 01:53:38)
Oh man, I could barely make it through this one it was so good. I haven't laughed that hard in a while.
anotheranonymous (2010-02-25 13:59:27)
My makeup is ruined!! I've LMAO too! Keep going ~ what an skewed mind & imagination!
ronny (2010-02-24 16:38:19)
omfg ive been reading these since ive been in class today and I read the hidden weapons one and was literally tearing up laughin. After iv'e been reading these there hasn't been one i have laughed at. After I read this one I had to post something.
Coolguyeli (2010-02-23 22:30:30)
HAHAHA!!!
will (2010-02-23 08:25:45)
ABSOLUTE BEST ONE!!
shaPOW (2010-02-21 08:54:30)
deer hunter totally made it for me
Sam (2010-02-21 02:42:18)
The sad thing is that rich kids in Mexico are escorted to school in this method
a fan (2010-02-20 11:31:14)
LMAO, this was hilarious
Constant (2010-02-19 16:56:07)
This SHIeT is epic. I LoLd till my stomach hurt =)
Astarte (2010-02-19 09:59:44)
...does he make pit stops for milkshakes??
Liam Freeman (2010-02-19 04:53:25)
I wish Mike would take me home! He sounds a right stud muffin!
amazing (2010-02-18 20:29:12)
this is the best one I have seen so far... good work.
Max (2010-02-18 11:54:48)
This is damn funny, but the last guy ruined it, 'Mike' wrote his emails so well it could have been believable, but then 'Nick' is obviously a 13 year old with minimal writing skills.
TMiller (2010-02-17 22:06:21)
"Shit my pants" -TM
Doc Awesome (2010-02-17 21:21:30)
Hilarious. I really admire the attention to detail. Google is your friend.
this ones the best (2010-02-16 22:37:09)
Lol I love this, keep it up!
gen franks (2010-02-16 05:13:21)
none larger than a golfball - extract from the soccer field - Hopefully we won't have to use it ... LOL - so nice makin jokes bout sandniggers & brutalst redneck-killer in iraq - u ran from jail here ? nice reason 2 rape entire population -( real job
Max (2010-02-15 10:05:52)
That last reply was priceless.
Bob Smith (2010-02-14 13:14:06)
going to make Mike and *me* ...
Soldier in Iraq (2010-02-14 12:55:47)
haha awesome. good humor for a guy over here doing the real deal.
Soldier in Iraq (2010-02-13 14:37:42)
haha awesome. good humor for a guy over here doing the real deal.
Jerry Smith (2010-02-13 13:29:37)
"I've seen an IED blow a Ford Focus into thousands of pieces[...]" LOL!
jojo (2010-02-12 16:28:47)
In a way it puts life in perspective.
Kim (2010-02-12 00:52:34)
I LOVE her last email. Poor kid though. What kind of mom tosses out an ad for a stranger to pick up her 10yo daughter?
B_ryan (2010-02-11 19:10:21)
"For $30, you are likely to get some 17-year-old kid who just got his license and will drive your daughter in his unarmored Ford Focus." Haha so great
Mike (really) (2010-02-11 18:22:23)
Thank you for wasting an entire half day for me. My wife is going to kill me when she gets home from work and sees that the undies still haven't been folded.
Maximatum (2010-02-11 07:07:31)
Fucking gold.
Brendan (2010-02-10 18:20:50)
"One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad." lm-mf-ao.
Anonymous (2010-02-10 16:39:13)
Wow, that's the funniest thing I've ever read. :D :D:D:D:D:D:D
ThatGuy (2010-02-10 14:44:54)
Hahaha Deer Hunter reference. Great movie too.
Fog (2010-02-09 17:15:42)
I enjoy how you threw a little deer hunter in there.
Jaren (2010-01-30 03:02:43)
Shut the FUCK UP Kate, GOD DAMMIT. Genius tho, hahaha. Love this website, its definitely one of my favorites. Keep it up, man! Love, Jaren :)
V (2010-01-29 11:35:30)
Agreed Ely, that is my favorite part. XD
Ely (2010-01-27 20:14:41)
"Four trucks will pull up, and she will get into a random one every day. This is so the enemy does not know which one to attack." insanity, i don't understand how some people don't find this hilarious. <3
Jesse (2010-01-27 11:00:37)
Hey Mike, I am currently deployed and we use this website for daily laughs.....ingenious....you are the man, pleas ekeep them coming
Madtowngurl (2010-01-26 16:08:00)
ROFLMAO I cannot believe the insanity/ creativity that you have! I have to come here every day and read more! You are the best!
DMC (2010-01-26 09:59:47)
He just offered her what she asked for.
hilarious (2010-01-24 23:13:14)
i literally laugh until i cry. each one is funnier than the next.
Jennifer (2010-01-20 22:52:57)
I have been laughing all friggen day reading this stuff! My husband is deployed and he will find this hilarious as well. Thanks for entertaining the USN!
:) (2010-01-18 22:17:34)
Dude, I feel like making a piontless add just so I can get the chance for you to email me with one of your funny ass ridiculous stories.
Ashley (2010-01-15 14:36:00)
Isn't that the plot of Deer Hunter?
Xe warrior (2010-01-13 05:45:28)
Greetz to Mike! I have driven into Hell with him, and safely arrived in Heaven, with a Shiekh's 10 yo daughter! Soccer is very popular in Iraq. All the Shiekhs employ our services. Now opening franchises in Afghanistan, Pakistan, East LA, Chica
gorf. (2010-01-12 21:34:09)
holy shit; i cannot believe how moronic people can be ! effing hilarious. by the wa, i need a driver...
Larry (2010-01-12 15:17:43)
Drake's teeth are dark, man.
Jesse (2010-01-11 12:16:12)
That thread was awesome. I think it should be turned into a theme park ride.
UNN (2010-01-08 17:50:45)
It's only funny when the other person is fooled. This isn't funny to non-teenagers.
Aston (2010-01-08 15:17:38)
20 minutes at $125 an hour is only about $40...if I was her I would have gone for it.
anonymous (2010-01-07 16:30:02)
deer hunter is a horrible movie!
Chris (2010-01-06 11:41:52)
"...she will get into a random one every day. This is so the enemy does not know which one to attack. " excellent!
Nicky (2010-01-05 23:36:32)
Mike, I love you.
anonymous (2010-01-01 02:43:33)
please have my babies
Locc408 (2009-12-28 00:56:56)
I was at work and i bursted out laughing uncontrollably...."One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad. He makes do with what he has and will survive the worst of situations." Luckily my supervisor just left
AP (2009-12-21 17:18:53)
This has to be the best one. "One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad." Classic.
GCL (2009-12-09 00:48:45)
LOL! Deer Hunter!
Carl (2009-12-06 04:27:29)
This one is actually pretty funny. I like the lifeguard one, too.
anonymous (2009-12-03 16:10:56)
Too bad this Mike isn't real! Sounds hot!
great (2009-12-03 14:49:40)
well done very funny
Mark (2009-12-03 10:35:23)
I have read this one 5 times and just keep laughing
Comrad nende (2009-12-03 05:28:33)
Comrad nende salutes you!
HOUSE (2009-11-30 15:55:54)
This is my favorite one
Julian (2009-11-27 13:26:00)
Excellent. Very well written!
laughing belgian (2009-11-26 21:03:21)
incredibly funny - thanks! tears from laughing
way2high4this (2009-11-23 02:50:29)
haha wow, i havn't laughed this hard in a month! thank you so much, ahahahha. As soon as i read "My car is very safe and reliable - perfect for your daughter. It is an armored 2007 Chevy Suburban. All glass has been replaced with multi-layered bal
Lazy (2009-11-22 22:11:49)
This SERIOUSLY made my day
Mike (2009-11-19 23:39:15)
Mike simply HILARIOUS!!!!
chuckles (2009-11-18 22:51:21)
responding to goon squad. You are correct, why would you hire a complete stranger to transport your daughter? that is just asking for her to get raped, or like you said, kidnapped.
Fredingo (2009-11-18 22:48:02)
icing on the cake: 'what in the hell...' haha
anonymous (2009-11-18 19:58:22)
awesome read :)
ryan (2009-11-15 03:09:34)
You cannot go wrong with Mike Partlow. He is the best of the best. One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad. oh my god... this is the best line in the whole thing.
Cccc (2009-11-14 19:16:12)
"I've seen an IED blow a Ford Focus into thousands of pieces, none larger than a golf ball." HAHAH. this guy should write movie scripts.
anonymous (2009-11-12 15:16:23)
Haha fuck yeah for the deer hunter reference!!!
Dude (2009-11-11 16:40:46)
"One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad." Epic win. xD
tard (2009-11-11 11:20:38)
has got to be the best one yet. Amazing attention to detail!
rdc (2009-11-07 01:18:23)
hilarious, I'm so sleepy but can't stop reading ...
VckyLockwud (2009-11-06 00:31:05)
Thats cool. I agree, that was a good post!Dude a friend of mine has been was tring to increase semen volume. He try all natural threaph, they were working, but very slow, so at the end, he try try semen volume pills to increase prodcution, volume and flav
Tommy Z (2009-11-04 18:53:17)
OMFG this is priceless. He's got a point, you can't put a price on your childrens safty. PA is a dangerous place.
l3lack5h33p (2009-11-01 15:49:53)
Haha extract from the soccer field XD
awesome (2009-11-01 14:53:13)
fucking hilarious
wowisafaggot (2009-10-30 18:50:30)
If your name is wow you probably play the game WoW so you are wasting your life away probably in your mid 30's on sites like these and saying they are dumb. Get a life bro.
jesse (2009-10-30 04:47:16)
thats hilarious. and btw, dont waste all our time by commenting on how dumb this is, you're on the site for a reason, probably less time consuming to hit the little red "x"
wow (2009-10-30 00:44:20)
This is probably one of the stupidest thing's I've ever wasted my time on. How old are you, seven?
Jen (2009-10-29 07:32:05)
Love you Mike.
Hogan (2009-10-26 05:13:49)
EXCELLENT! :)
Rob (2009-10-17 14:37:46)
The Deerhunter reference was a nice touch.
Dave (2009-10-13 15:11:05)
The MIRT sounds like a nice touch. I'd love to have one of those for my commute, which is also on traffic light infested Rte 3.
Hajira Suliman (2009-10-12 21:47:36)
Page 1 Footprints FilmworksThe Presidential BoxDecember 2025FF News This is an E I G H T Page FF News Brief Bulletin so the footprints team suggests that you be nice and relaxed when viewing this bulletin. This is an Exclusive Interview with South A
Fatty McFatso (2009-10-12 18:54:04)
i love this website lol "We will pick your daughter up in a random Suburban. Four trucks will pull up, and she will get into a random one every day. This is so the enemy does not know which one to attack. The Suburban she is in will have an armed secu
Snake (2009-10-10 20:22:01)
The part about the POW camp and russian roulette is from a movie called the deer hunter. Robert De Niro plays Mike, and Christopher Walken plays Nick. great movie
creek (2009-10-09 11:42:10)
this is the funniest stuff ever
Blondie (2009-10-09 06:27:29)
"Mike even put the gun to his head once and pulled the trigger. He started laughing, and the soldiers started laughing too. When they let their guard down, he immediately shot three of them in the head, grabbed one of their AKs, and gunned down the ot
Cedric (2009-10-05 06:30:25)
"One time he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad." - Very good one
goon squad (2009-09-29 16:01:52)
alright who as a parent posts an ad for someone to drive their 10 year old daughter to soccer practice? thats just asking for a kidnapping or some shit
Alex Ruiz (2009-09-28 19:52:58)
mr. harshay, you can't laugh at this cuz you have no sense of humor.
roflbox (2009-09-25 12:10:37)
this is got to be one of the funniest things I have ever read on the internet...soooooo funny
JMoore (2009-09-25 00:21:03)
Thanks for introducing me to this, I'm immediately addicted. This stuff is fuckin' hilarious.
anon (2009-09-23 22:10:05)
aaahhhh-MAZING! i love this site!
anonymous (2009-09-23 16:58:05)
I can't believe you douche bags don't think these emails are hilarious. LEAVE THE WEBSITE, DON'T BITCH.
JB (2009-09-19 17:59:20)
Being in the military, this was especially hillarious!! LOVED IT!!
anonymous (2009-09-19 11:20:01)
I LOVE YOUR WEBSITE... I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING.. U DEMENTED GENIUS!
Me (2009-09-18 10:33:25)
I don't know man... Those soccer games can get kind of heated!!!!
Tick (2009-09-14 09:56:00)
Hey Rick, it's DEER HUNTER you moron.
Robaralis (2009-09-11 21:52:40)
BRILLIANT!
German AA-Gun (2009-09-11 18:33:25)
dear god i fucking love you have my penis
Hammerkat (2009-09-10 14:36:49)
Mike Partlow needs to grow up.
Harshay (2009-09-10 08:52:05)
Lol why is this funny to people... i kinda like it.. but cant understand how can ppl laugh like hell on these things..
Rick (2009-09-08 02:31:17)
The end scene is from the Dear Hunter morons. Oh wait, I am the moron for reading this and commenting.
@niggle (2009-09-07 02:54:01)
Haha definitely sounds like the Transporter. But the situation sounds more like Vin Diesel in the Pacifier :p
Chris (2009-09-06 21:47:47)
This guy, I don't know where he gets his ideas, but I hope he comes up with more!
Ramblin' Man (2009-09-04 06:56:10)
This has to be a joke. This isnt Bagdad, it's suburban PA...Fact, Between 46,000 and 51,000 Americans were casualties in the three-day battle at Gettysburg LMAO!!! :) Check me out, Funnyernshit at Youtube
Amy (2009-09-03 23:33:12)
I completely take back what I just said. -_-;
90% (2009-09-03 21:34:57)
That's not a very high percentage!
Umm (2009-09-03 18:18:21)
You do realize that the guy who runs this site IS Mike Partlow (one of his many names)
Amy (2009-09-03 17:47:27)
I think that this guy was for real. The e-mails were way too detailed to have been made up, even for a military fanboy. This guy probably is looking for a more richer client. When you think of it that way, it probably makes more sense. Like the president&
Hah! (2009-09-01 23:22:03)
salad forks are the real weapons of the future..
hahaha good lord! (2009-09-01 15:59:09)
"The car is fully loaded with an HK416 assault rifle that fire under the toughest conditions. The roof has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed. Hopefully we won't have to use it, but it is good to have." hahahahaha this is
KB (2009-09-01 14:25:01)
OMG!! This is so funny! I almost peed my pants! LOL!
Scarlet (2009-08-31 23:33:22)
(con't) on her level of co operative involvement in a little game I like to play called Split the Banana Peel.
Scarlet (2009-08-31 23:32:09)
Lol... that sounds like an awesome opportunity for a pedophile... hey I'm reliable I'll pick your daughter up and take her for ice cream, then have her home after a small stop in a secluded area where she will remain relatively unharmed depending
anonymous (2009-08-31 12:34:54)
The 416 would be a great gun to have but I would like to offer to build you a special gun. It's an eighty aughty eighty and would be better oriented for the job. Good luck, and hope you get the job !
Erin loves Mike (2009-08-31 12:23:33)
Mike Partlow, you make me so hott and wet talking about your experiences. I want to blow you on national television. I love thinking about your steaming pile of Man Cock.
niggle (2009-08-31 11:56:57)
Hahahahaahahahahah For some reason, Mike reminds me of Jason Statham in this letter
guernica (2009-08-30 01:38:54)
Still wiping the tears of laughter away...these are great!!!
classic (2009-08-29 10:08:34)
in tears....
AyrClone (2009-08-29 06:40:35)
My name is Ayr and nothing is funny to me.
Aaanonymous (2009-08-29 00:39:46)
Deer Hunter. Nice. hahaha
ASK (2009-08-27 03:32:28)
Dude wtf. Why is a mother willing to let A STRANGER drive her 10 yr. old daughter home from soccer practice? GET SOMEONE YOU KNOW. But okay this shit is funny as hell
Pitiful (2009-08-27 01:33:08)
Hmmm...interesting...
BluBlaDe (2009-08-26 16:29:52)
LOL! Epic !
Random Guy (2009-08-25 19:15:44)
Uhh yeah the mark 19 is a belt fed automatic grenade launched that fires 40mm grenades. Look it up.
Carver (2009-08-25 12:40:47)
The roof has a 40mm MK-19 automatic grenade launcher turret installed. LOLWUT? Auto Grenade launcher bullshit?!?@?!#?!
Kman (2009-08-25 12:32:37)
I laughed so hard on this one. This is so damn funny. Great job man!
Daver (2009-08-24 16:26:43)
first time I've ever been here... OMG!! that is some of the funniest shit I've ever read!!!
anonymous (2009-08-22 05:08:48)
always a fucking pleasure LOL MFAO
pedoshare (2009-08-20 16:23:30)
anyone interested in trading pics of my sack?
tacpninja (2009-08-20 15:56:43)
WTF?! Is this lady trying to get some serial pedophile to apply for the job or something? Some mom!
ECP Bored as Fuck (2009-08-20 08:31:50)
Perfect. Not only am i thoroughly entertained, but my army uniform just went from pickle green to shit brown. You owe me a uniform.
Bitch (2009-08-20 08:22:00)
"extracted from the soccer field." Yes. LMFAO!
je weet toch (2009-08-19 16:42:52)
Classic, although the reference reminded me a bit too much of deer hunter =P
Paul (2009-08-19 16:28:47)
This is epic. I was laughing so hard at work I started crying. Thank you for putting a smile on my face.
anonymous (2009-08-19 01:21:21)
haha i love The Deer Hunter
LifeWanted (2009-08-18 23:58:36)
I care about this site so little, that I had to visit it and post a comment. It is THAT unimportant to me. In fact, I am now obsessed with not even thinking about it.
Ayr (2009-08-18 22:51:19)
This one isnt that funny either
kyle (2009-08-18 18:08:53)
The time innetween his posts keeps getting longer and longer. I'm done with this site.
Willy (2009-08-18 17:41:36)
Operation: Start posting more
Jessica (2009-08-18 14:36:54)
You have got to be kidding me.. 11 days since the last post? That's ridiculous..
realistic (2009-08-18 12:41:46)
I dont see what the big deal is. This is so American. Texans who do not consider themselves as Americans are worse.
yo (2009-08-18 12:23:29)
Damn what happen you get sick, cant wait till the next one
yeah (2009-08-18 11:59:42)
NEW STUFF! NEW STUFF! NEW STUFF! NEW STUFF! I am addicted to this site now. I need to see some NEW STUFF!
pedo (2009-08-18 11:16:26)
I would give her a ride but 17yo is a lil TOO OLD 4 me.
i.must.reply (2009-08-18 10:09:32)
i noe ur ordy long fucking dead...but can u plz come back 2 life n post another 1...dis is ur purpose of life...god's commands
Link (2009-08-18 09:58:48)
Post a link to the original craigslist ad
GAGANDEEP (2009-08-18 09:53:48)
WOW ... you are really hilarious ... I actually fell down from my chair laughing. and also had tears in my eyes.
NOcoincidence (2009-08-18 09:31:02)
The route Kate says her daughter would take: 3. Number of bullets placed into the revolver: 3. Parties to the email exchange: 3. Number of astounding "coincidences" I have discovered: 3. Why won't the media report on this?
fuck you. (2009-08-18 09:22:06)
that's right.
Feck man (2009-08-18 07:49:33)
Hurry up updating or I'll just steal your idea and do my own site with these.
cool-R (2009-08-18 06:21:22)
@anon: kate probably wants to get rid of her daughter. s.o. should give her a ride straight to the nuthouse
bored (2009-08-18 05:03:25)
New post please..
Manish (2009-08-18 02:03:39)
Such an idiotic but funny conversation
Jorge Posada (2009-08-17 22:26:35)
i wish you would fucking post something already. this is the only thing i look forward to after a hot day behind the plate
r0d3nt (2009-08-17 22:04:20)
ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT. He can escort my hacker dog any day.
bspark (2009-08-17 17:41:53)
this is the funniest thing i have read all day.i just hope all of these people were legitimately fucking with those that replied, if not this is just kind of disturbing.
Fuck My Arse (2009-08-17 16:51:17)
Mike ur killing me post something already
Frank in Delaware (2009-08-17 15:36:41)
Operation: Next fucking post - please.
imissMike (2009-08-17 15:03:42)
MIKE PARTLOW!!!! I miss you. come back to us!!!
sane mind (2009-08-17 14:38:56)
Ok, you are the reason why I don't post classified ads... btw, does this mom have friends? posting on a frig'n classified ad for this kind of service! wtf?
Tub Girl (2009-08-17 14:38:10)
Oops, I farted
Duncan's Guardian (2009-08-17 12:10:19)
Duncan should be gone for a little while. We discovered that the lock on his padded room was faulty so we replaced it today. We can only look after him at the living facility so what he does at the pencil factory is up to them.
i.must.reply (2009-08-17 12:03:57)
Update ordy motherfucker!!!pretty plz....
Mexicant (2009-08-17 10:18:33)
"WHAT IS THIS?" This is a collection of e-mails I have sent to people who post classified ads. My goal was to mess with them, confuse them, and/or piss them off. I do not update it anymore.
nerval (2009-08-17 09:35:56)
amazing ! :)
Diablo (2009-08-17 08:02:43)
funny ass shit i like the dramatic shooting scene near the end of the reference
pika (2009-08-17 04:47:37)
200 for 4 suvs.cheap as water
Kev (2009-08-17 00:05:00)
EPIC! Nice one!
mcluvin (2009-08-16 22:36:15)
What the heck is wrong with this site? GIVE US SOME NEW STUFF!
anonymous (2009-08-16 21:14:35)
deer hunter ftw!
notDuncan (2009-08-16 20:47:42)
I'm funny because I was pretending to be Duncan even though I'm not Duncan.
Beemer01 (2009-08-16 18:58:44)
I love this guy. Brilliant stuff.
notDuncan (2009-08-16 18:03:16)
I noticed others have kept it up, which I think is hilarious, but I wonder if the real duncan is even still around. or did he puss out and change his name?
notDuncan (2009-08-16 18:01:32)
I wonder if the original "Duncan" has posted since Broken Umbrella? I came late to the duncan bashing, but I was the first to post as duncan stating the obvious.
anonymous (2009-08-16 04:11:59)
i laughed so hard at "ive seen an ied blow a ford focus to piece none bigger than a golf ball" lol fuckin amazing
d (2009-08-16 02:24:55)
Fuk I hate the guy who owns this piece of shit site
anonymous (2009-08-16 00:42:23)
I love the reference to the russian roulette scene in The Dear Hunter, too bad Kate didn't pick up on it
soar (2009-08-16 00:03:17)
He should at least add an RSS feed or something.
soar (2009-08-15 23:10:40)
You plan on updating your site any fucking time soon?
this (2009-08-15 19:17:36)
is amazing lol!!!
irish1 (2009-08-15 16:21:44)
I think we should all donate $$ to this guy for more likker - keep it coming
spudboater (2009-08-15 15:05:55)
This was my first time on your site and I laughed so hard I peed my pants. It takes a lot to make me laugh that hard. I plan to check this out frequently. I sent on to a friend who really does do security protection in Iraq and other places. He laughed, t
Tim Duncan (2009-08-15 15:04:53)
That's some funny shit, but seriously duncan...WTF? I've asked you nicely, would you please go away? Nobody likes you duncan & you're douching up my good name! You are a cocksucking grundle licker! haha
bobbygringo13 (2009-08-15 14:59:54)
Hilarious!
anonymous (2009-08-15 11:41:01)
@holidamericus Yeah? Well at least we have cool haircuts!
Blue haired lawyer (2009-08-14 18:27:07)
Will you write another one yet? Come on, you're slow.
excellent (2009-08-14 16:54:42)
this is my favorite one !!
holidamericus (2009-08-14 16:13:39)
That 's what happens in the US. Ppl are ALL fucked up, TV, videogames, their sex symbols and heroes come out of Holywood, which is even MORE fucked up, the government wants to make you more stupid, so they serve you shit anyway, and so you end up bein
scrub (2009-08-14 15:16:36)
first time to this site. you are without a doubt the predominant comedic genius of our time. don't stop!
Mike (2009-08-14 12:37:05)
Please, do not stop doing this.
GhostToast (2009-08-14 12:25:54)
omg, the deer hunter reference was perfect. loved it.
duncan (2009-08-14 12:15:50)
funny stuff
anonymous (2009-08-14 12:14:22)
If you want to keep people looking at this site you need to post things more often. People will stop coming here if you dont.
SlyDrJ (2009-08-14 10:26:03)
ROFLMAO- That made my sides hurt !!
Ai (2009-08-14 00:06:00)
What kind of mother lets strangers drive her kid around?
yeah (2009-08-13 23:52:13)
...come on guy, get your troll game back on track.
Mike Partlow (2009-08-13 23:48:06)
You should probably block this name as a username
admina (2009-08-13 22:49:47)
Maybe the owner is an overly sensitive ginger? Sux for him.
anon (2009-08-13 22:44:46)
i would not mind having pop-up, ads,t-shirt selling w/e just hoping for regular updates. hell i would buy something from if that was made avaliable, very funny site
Vinnie (2009-08-13 20:16:54)
Dude your the best. Havent found a site this funny in years. Please, for our sake, keep messing with people.
meatspinner (2009-08-13 18:53:07)
Me too, all I did was post something about ginger people...
admina (2009-08-13 17:48:17)
Haha owner of this site directs me to meatspin whenever I post, such a bitch. Aaand hell delete this post when he sees it. This site has gone way downhill anyway
anonymous (2009-08-13 15:43:59)
femmechicka: Mike Partlow isn't really a character, more of a name that he just uses and always has a different profile depending on what's needed. Get With It: I agree because it sucks waiting for days to get an update. These trolls are great.
Get With It (2009-08-13 12:32:23)
Get some advertising on this site. Make this your full time job. Way too slow posting new content bro. This is just turning into an immature trolling site.
Luckster (2009-08-13 02:19:45)
You're the very reason kids think that trolling is considered cool.
your mother (2009-08-12 20:31:32)
lawl nick you're such a douchebag
femmechicka (2009-08-12 20:16:32)
awesome....i think this guy is basically the internet sacha baron cohen and his mike partlow character is the best
jo (2009-08-12 19:19:47)
amazing...'Nicks' email, just amazing.
hey poirot (2009-08-12 18:20:28)
what are these "giveaways in the text"?
space face (2009-08-12 18:16:45)
too many mongs following this site now, the next one to mention RSS should be killed instantly. Do some work you morons
Poirot (2009-08-12 16:18:22)
Fake! Two giveaways in the text prove this to be fake. Still reasonably funny but most of the comments are as weak as fishpiss. Site in decline alert!!
KC NEWMAN (2009-08-12 11:59:32)
I haven't laughed this hard in AGES. Bookmarked and shared! Hilarious!!
Sal R (2009-08-12 09:11:49)
After "dream vacation" was scared you jumped the shark, but fuck i was wrong! this site is going down as one of the all time classics.
Tina (2009-08-12 09:05:43)
I could read these ALL DAY. I want more!!!
ineedabmwx5 (2009-08-12 05:50:41)
Please, I need a new one! Come on!! Cant wait!
Jack Bauer (2009-08-12 00:28:48)
using fake names keeps me alive.
Derb (2009-08-11 22:05:53)
Throwing a reference e-mail with the Deer Hunter story line was an unexpected yet welcome transition. Again, a dopey parent who deserves all she gets... so many ways to go, so many idiots.
amy (2009-08-11 20:01:38)
you're fucking hilarious.
advice for hotgirl88 (2009-08-11 19:41:19)
Stop being such a fatass and maybe he will like you
phenx (2009-08-11 16:47:49)
That's possibly one of the funniest things I've ever read. Congrats!
christophe (2009-08-11 15:18:36)
maybe you can try something with us so that you have some partners who do this shit 2 its way to funny this is gonna be a popular website.. after a while you can add advertisement and get loads of money
anonymous (2009-08-11 15:07:54)
Dude this is awesome.. Thanks for making my Tuesday more enjoyable
kefera (2009-08-11 13:26:37)
hahaha!! my new fav, this is great! anyone who would trust a stranger to drive their kids anywhere is looking for trouble! stupid bitch
GiantDeuche (2009-08-11 13:08:26)
LOL so epic. OMG the IED/Ford Focus was so funny. Dude you played that one perfect, hahaha
hot girl 88 (2009-08-11 12:54:42)
:( its people like you that make me ashamed to post my pics
tohotgirll (2009-08-11 12:41:33)
If you were really hot you wouldn't be having this problem.
KarmaChameleon (2009-08-11 10:02:42)
So awesome.
yada-ha-ha (2009-08-11 09:26:07)
Love the last line from the Kate - "what the hell..."
almond eye (2009-08-11 09:10:05)
MAO! MAO! Di-di MAO!
whatever (2009-08-11 06:27:36)
Dude use RSS so that we can read it in an RSS reader.
anonymous (2009-08-11 05:49:18)
I would think that the HK 417 would be a little too big if you have to stop driving and grab it during a situation. The 417 is also more of a marksman rifle. I think the smaller HK 416 is a good choice for this, especially if the passenger has to operate
anonymous (2009-08-11 01:29:01)
Next time start off with "My name is Frank Martin." A lot of fun could be had with that :)
Dick (2009-08-10 21:50:08)
LOL i love the deer hunter reference
Susmarski (2009-08-10 19:16:03)
Get outta here!!!
HEMIwes (2009-08-10 17:07:26)
WOW, some people are completely whacked out of their gord!! This is by far my favorite one. Keep them coming Mike Partlow, you need to do this daily!! Definately brightens my day every time i read a new one!!
mariana (2009-08-10 16:21:36)
who puts an ad up trusting some random person with their daughter alone, in a car for an hour? what an idiot mom. but this was great.
MoreAdviceToHotGirl (2009-08-10 13:17:06)
You should post some naked pictures of yourself after you get him the beer. Post the address on here and offer to blow him and all us other posters whenever we want for the next year. He will really like you then.
Advice to Hot Girl (2009-08-10 13:06:42)
Hot Girl, he will like you if you send him a few bucks to buy beer. I donated some $$ and he immediately put up a hilarious new post and we are now very close. The way to a man's heart is through beer. P.S. He's as cute as he is funny
trini (2009-08-10 12:34:45)
Hilarious!!! At first just by the title, I thought you were going to pretend to be a pimp...but this was well executed!!! Keep it up
hot girl 88 (2009-08-10 11:30:22)
Hey does anyone know how to make this guy like me
Tom (2009-08-10 08:51:21)
You're gonna get in some shit. If I was there I'd kick your fucking ass motherfucker.
Habeeb monateff (2009-08-10 04:40:02)
the duncan stuff is so getting old, we need to find a new douche bag to single out
Legion (2009-08-10 03:24:36)
Rofld irl
Vag Pudding (2009-08-10 02:40:23)
best one yet. I'm still wiping my tears away, and my ass because I sharted so bad.
COL ANGUS (2009-08-10 02:02:18)
MIKE PARTLOW IS A GREAT MERICAN.
sam (2009-08-10 01:18:04)
one of the funniest things i have ever read in my life.
th0 (2009-08-09 19:54:04)
it was supposed to say greetings from germany... now it just looks stupid -.-
th0 (2009-08-09 19:53:01)
just found this site and just finished reading every single part. i can't remember laughing that much. i couldn't find a general guestbook/comment section so i'm just posting this here. please keep up the amazing work :D greetings from germ
MNM (2009-08-09 17:47:43)
I love this website!! Please keep up the great work! I literally laugh out loud at my computer screen reading these emails. Pure genius!
Hoof_hearted (2009-08-09 13:46:57)
Keep up the insanity! AND also the insanity! Dont forget the insanity wwwwooooooohooooo
Lumpkin (2009-08-09 10:01:57)
Ha! You should write absurd responses to ads. If people reply foolishly, you could put them on a website. That would be funny! Plus, stupid people will post comments, I'm sure.
fraggle (2009-08-09 03:02:05)
more! MORE!
Duncan (2009-08-09 02:05:48)
AWESOME I GOT THIRD POST
anonymous (2009-08-09 01:47:26)
liked the post but am also impressed with this guys formidable knowledge of small arms, althought im a bigger fan of the 417 over the 416, more stopping power. doesnt matter tho cuz u cant import either
A (2009-08-08 19:28:47)
This is getting really good, keep it up!
Dom (2009-08-08 18:20:04)
Instead of a Ford Focus you should have picked a Toyota Prius Hybrid. Like allways a classic :-)
fantastic... (2009-08-08 16:13:20)
I applaud you!
Cryo (2009-08-08 14:30:41)
That ad is pedobear approved
rss (2009-08-08 14:30:22)
for those looking for feedburner or rss feeds I made a temporary one till it's hooked up osweago.com/dontevenreply.php
anonymous (2009-08-08 13:37:04)
nick walken... brilliant... i love that movie.
Jazzy (2009-08-08 13:28:09)
funny. But not as funny as it could have been. Personally, I think he could have gone with a creepier character. And really no offense but going military with it made it not very funny. Still love it though. :) Keep up the funny mr. asshole. <3
hanlin (2009-08-08 11:39:49)
hilarious. one of the best yet
pedo route (2009-08-08 10:36:53)
= police involvement. Also, dungcan appears first in broken umbrellas
Mega64 (2009-08-08 10:24:56)
Most people would have gone the pedo route, but the direction you went was utterly fantastic. Well done.
awesomeness (2009-08-08 07:38:47)
epic lol. deer hunter reference was genius. rss ftw?
topshot (2009-08-08 06:31:03)
lmao!!! that was funny as hell. and the referance was good to. I am a soldier i would hire that guy in a sec to back me up. lol
Skalla (2009-08-08 05:48:21)
@huh? oh, there are a lot of stuff behind Duncan...
anonymous (2009-08-08 05:33:15)
hahahahahaha nice one... Please install feedburner!!!!!!!!!!!
ROTER SCHNEE (2009-08-08 04:16:46)
this one has got to be the best for me
anonymous (2009-08-08 03:57:33)
i love this site, but please... RSS!
kev (2009-08-08 03:17:30)
RSS... pleeeeeeeze.
huh? (2009-08-08 02:26:00)
Who's Duncan? Is there a story behind that?
Zeke4448 (2009-08-08 02:22:41)
Poor Duncan :(
Tarek (2009-08-08 01:01:42)
Without a doubt this is the best one I've ever read! Keep up the good work!
duncan (2009-08-07 23:54:42)
haha that's more protection than she needs to take her daughter home from soccer practice.
Harry (2009-08-07 23:21:19)
Love your work. But please please please add an RSS feed!
Mike (2009-08-07 22:50:00)
These seems like an amazing idea for a sitcom.
J.J (2009-08-07 21:20:51)
THIS GUY THAT GOES BY MIKE PARTLOW IS A GENIUS
Impressed (2009-08-07 21:01:10)
I am very impressed that you know about the HK416. It really is one of the best weapons out there.
Bob Loblaw (2009-08-07 20:38:50)
LMAO!!
lol (2009-08-07 20:33:40)
$42 (@$125/hr) for a 20-minute ride in a sweet convoy to a location that would normally take an hour is actually a pretty good deal.
anthony (2009-08-07 20:25:27)
yes, so good. RSS feed please!
anonymous (2009-08-07 20:05:13)
absolutely perfect. destined to become a top post.
AmericarunsonDuncan (2009-08-07 18:41:17)
RSS feed....... PLEASE..........................
Rutabaker (2009-08-07 18:37:32)
Hey 'yeah..ok', then you write the fuckin emails if you think they could be better, post them on your website, send me a link, and i'll stop by and completely rip it to shreds, douche
Mark (2009-08-07 18:28:48)
By far, the best one YET!
anonymous (2009-08-07 18:25:16)
What kind of parent solicits strangers online to drive their young daughter around? Fuck, she could have at least contacted a local taxi service, where at least that way there would be records of pick ups and drop offs if something were to (God forbid) go
Julie (2009-08-07 17:17:10)
That's too much, so funny:D I'd like to have a boyfriend with that kind of humor.
G-Ice (2009-08-07 17:07:38)
FIRST!
Lee (2009-08-07 17:06:15)
oh god. the deer hunter reference made it for me.
Mr. G (2009-08-07 16:31:27)
This has to be my favorite of them all, I was laughing so hard I puked up my big mac I just ate. Keep them coming. Cgibbs2@cinci.rr.com
Mr. G (2009-08-07 16:31:17)
This has to be my favorite of them all, I was laughing so hard I puked up my big mac I just ate. Keep them coming. Cgibbs2@cinci.rr.com
KPlan (2009-08-07 16:29:34)
On the people who're sharp enough to realize you're having fun with them, do you ever come clean? To me, that'd be part of the fun...like when Alan Funt (or, today, Howie Mandel) would come from around the corner to tell folks they're on
rotfmao (2009-08-07 16:11:45)
?? Roll over tom, f*** my a** out ??
FSU (2009-08-07 16:10:13)
Amazing...HAHAH! I love this damn site!
Duncan (2009-08-07 15:53:55)
I think what was funny was the flat reaction from the mother in this story. It contrasted nicely with some of the more outlandish statements Staff Seregant was making. Good timing on some of the humor points...8/10.
Duncan (2009-08-07 15:50:31)
I like dick in my mouth!
Rob (2009-08-07 15:36:24)
Lol that was good :) Keep it up
sitflyr (2009-08-07 15:16:08)
killed an entire truckload of insurgents with just a fork from his salad!!!!! ROTFMAO!!!
Masty (2009-08-07 15:13:19)
90% LOL, legend.
anonymous (2009-08-07 15:02:42)
That's some funny sh*t! ROFLMAO
d (2009-08-07 14:58:44)
I'd call the cops on that perv, then no more emails for us
yeah...ok (2009-08-07 14:50:00)
Would have been better if he posed as a convicted sex offender. Could have said she'd have to walk a mile first because he can't be within a mile of a school.
pj (2009-08-07 14:41:00)
i love the reference. deer hunter was great!
OPKnight (2009-08-07 14:27:01)
LOLLLLL. This was probably one of the funniest ones on here. Laughed the whole way out. But anyways, Cool story, Bro.
The Dude (2009-08-07 14:10:49)
Great story. Keep up the good work. A new one daily would kick ass. MORE!
Mike Partlow (2009-08-07 13:24:49)
Don't worry about the other 10%. Collateral damage.
anonymous (2009-08-07 13:12:07)
I love the "what in the hell..."
anonymous (2009-08-07 13:07:26)
90% of my clients arrived at their destination unharmed....What happened to the other 10%?
Heywood Jablomey (2009-08-07 12:58:49)
90%?
duncan't (2009-08-07 12:49:30)
Seconddd
Joshua Starr (2009-08-07 12:39:17)
Thank you for this. Always brightens my day!
hilarious (2009-08-07 12:12:43)
Hahaha...
duncan (2009-08-07 12:07:03)
first!!!
anonymous (2009-08-07 11:55:42)
your need a ride ones are the best! brilliant!!
barry (2009-08-07 11:52:03)
How ridiculous is this woman? She is just asking for her daughter to be molested/kidnapped/killed...if I were the admin, I would report this woman to the Family Services for being so stupid as to offer strangers the chance to drive her daughter.
what (2009-08-07 11:51:33)
haha that russian roulette scene is from The Deer Hunter.
Seymour (2009-08-07 11:33:19)
multiple grammatical errors. Make "do"? lol.
anonymous (2009-08-07 11:22:59)
@anon "LOL @ driving an hour for $30 day, that barely covers gas. What a cunt." Yeah dude, it's some uppity main line bitch, can't even take her kid to soccer. Not to mention the fact that she's willing to let a stranger from the int
M (2009-08-07 11:21:00)
Amazing
LMFAO (2009-08-07 11:10:27)
AWESOME
Tim (2009-08-07 10:59:34)
This is the greatest one so far. I loved it.
dungcan (2009-08-07 10:33:21)
Third!
anonymous (2009-08-07 10:26:07)
lmfao @ "he killed an entire truck of insurgents using just a fork from his salad"
duncan (2009-08-07 10:19:36)
Last!!!
Frank (2009-08-07 10:17:11)
"Your daughter will arrive safely in your arms no later than 20 minutes from when she is extracted from the soccer field." LMFAO! Seriously, who the fuck looks online to find someone to drive their TEN YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. This twat opened he
anonymous (2009-08-07 10:12:41)
cant stop laughing... i have read all of your stories and this is one of your best, this is up there with Turtle Sandbox!
anonymous (2009-08-07 09:50:13)
LOL @ driving an hour for $30 day, that barely covers gas. What a cunt.
Me, Myself, and I (2009-08-07 09:44:47)
What happened to the rest of the emails that you took OFF your site? I don't see them in the archive either.
lame duncan (2009-08-07 09:37:28)
She only asked for a simple ride and receives an offer for a "security package." It is really funny because after receiving a message talking about guns, she remains interested enough to asking what he "really drives."
Angelo (2009-08-07 09:20:13)
Not bad, but I still laugh out loud when I think of last week's parrot calling you a "cocksucking grundle licker." Best line ever.
hahaha (2009-08-07 09:15:16)
yeah i totally agree with anonymous! that's super sketchy! i loved the email from nick :)
anonymous (2009-08-07 09:12:31)
HAHAHAHA...she totally deserved this, who the fuck looks for a ride for their 10-year-old online? I love where you went with this

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